ht_murray | A single point post...

Because I know most of you won't read my episode reaction, and I wouldn't want you to if that harshes your squee. Basically, my feelings about 5.22 were, it could probably have ended any other way, and I would've liked it better, because they picked the one ending that I've been dreading since Season 1. And I wasn't sure why it was I hated the idea so much until I just read some discussion in

x5vale's post. And then it came clear. So, here's my one point, and I don't think it's wanky at all.

The statement was made in that discussion that Dean's heroism comes from his strength to keep Sam's promise. To at least try, because it takes more strength to live than to die. I agree. I agree one hundred percent. That's always been Dean's strength.

But that's the problem. That's always been his strength, and he's been knuckling under the weight of this life for pretty much all of it. When does he get the peace? Sure, now he doesn't have to protect Sam, but he's burdened by having to keep the promise just the same.

I'm just so epically tired for him. I have been since Season 2, and this doesn't feel fair for him. Even if he could manage some semblance of normal, it'd never be his choice. It was Sam's. I don't even have a problem with them being apart at the end. I just wanted him to be able to choose his own path, and he got nothing.

I'm just so heartbroken for him and more than a little pissed at Sam for wishing that on him. I don't know if I'll be watching the next season, not because I have some huge statement to make or because I feel entitled to something better, but because I'm so tired of all the angst and the constant adding to the load. The song says, there'll be peace when you are done. Why use that time and again if no one gets any peace? Dean might be heroically strong, but I am not.

I really am glad some people enjoyed it. I wanted to. Usually when I expect to be disappointed I am pleasantly surprised. That didn't happen, and I'm honestly a little jealous at those of you who got something positive out of it, but no matter how much I read your responses and arguments, I don't buy them. This is one instance where I feel like I must be watching another show. If that's the case, and I am annoying to you, then I won't feel bad about you leaving. I never wanted to harsh anyone's squee. I just cannot be happy with this.