ht_murray: little girl, cheeks, blue rose (Default)
Today is exactly one month since my mom passed away.

One month and one day ago, I was only thinking as far ahead as August. I was training for a half marathon in Madison, Wisconsin, planning to spend a week or so up there visiting with family, run the race, and coming back to Texas. A month and a day ago, I kinda figured Texas was home and was gonna stay that way.

But in the last month, everything changed. I'm not running the half in August anymore, which is good, because my training went totally to pot for about a week and a half. I'm just now getting back in the groove, but I am planning to run that race next year, along with my cousins and my aunt. We've even talked about doing Chicago next year as a family thing. And I've considered doing the Disney marathon in a year or so, and bringing my sister and her family along, because I'd love to be there the first time the kids see Disney World. Over the last month, not much has changed here, except everything has changed. This isn't home anymore, and after some good long talks with hubby, he finally agrees there's nothing down here for either of us that's as important as everything we have up there.

So, it's officially unofficial (won't be official until I actually quit my job next spring) that we're planning to move in the spring. As much as I'd like to just pick up and do it now, we're going to need a good while to get everything arranged. You don't just pick three horses up and move them across the country without a lot of hassle. And no way we're moving in the fall with a Wisconsin winter bearing down on us. So, spring it is.

And to drive the point home, the point of no return I guess, yesterday we bought a truck. We already have a truck, but not one I'd feel safe driving across the country in. So, now we have a new/used 2005 Dodge Ram 1500 sitting in our driveway, all shiny and new-looking. And it's paid for. You should've seen hubby's hand when he was writing the check. LOL. It's not the first indulgence I've allowed myself in the last month either. I also bought myself a new Viewsonic gTab, which isn't supposed to be all that great out of the box, but which, I'm told blows iPad2 out of the water once you root it and install a new ROM. For the price, I guess I can take a chance on bricking it, in which case I'll probably buy the Toshiba Thrive. Because hey, you can't take it with you. Well, in our case, you can, as long as it'll fit in the back of a Dodge pickup.

Big things coming down the pipe, and I suddenly don't feel like I'm treading water anymore. I wonder if I'm supposed to be sadder, shedding more tears, kicking myself over missed opportunities. I dunno. But I'm not doing any of those things. What I am doing is looking forward to something. That's more than I could've said 30 days ago. And it's all good, I think.

One thing I should've said 30 days ago that I didn't say nearly enough. I love you, Mom, and thank you for everything.

Tracy
ht_murray: little girl, cheeks, blue rose (Default)
Some several months ago (I can't believe how infrequent my journal posting has become :( ) I made this post about... dun-d-da-DUN... menstrual cups. OMG. It was a funny story that I gakked from [livejournal.com profile] menstrual_cups, and you should all really go back and read it now for a good belly laugh.

*waits for you to read it*

Done now?

Good. I have to admit feeling a small amount of guilt for having posted that. And why should I? It's a public post, right? True. It's a public post, but while it was entirely appropriate for the community in which it was posted, it was probably unfair to post it outside of a sympathetic environment where that might be someone's first exposure to the product. The comments in my post drive home the possibility that I might very well have turned some of you off the idea entirely, and that was the last thing I wanted to do. But, not having tried it myself, I couldn't really argue one way or the other.

So, I finally took the plunge, and now I do have something to say about it. It gets long, rambly, extremely personal, and entirely TMI, and will therefore be behind a cut. This cut right here. )
ht_murray: little girl, cheeks, blue rose (Default)
Heading out for my long run day. How long, you ask? I don't even know. LOL. *consults the archangel miCoach* Um, looks like 1hour and 45 minutes. Hopefully, that will work out to around ten miles, but I'm feeling kinda wiped, so we'll see.

But whatevs, I got my pink crush running skirt on, so I'll look cute no matter what. LOL.

I think I'm caught up on comment replies for the last two posts at least, so I feel safe making another post,at this point. I'm in a mood for confessions.

First confession, I posted that meta on m/m fiction on my Facebook where all my family can read it, and so far, no one's disowned me, but I highly doubt my auntie will be asking me to send her stories ever again. LOL.

Second confession, I totally forgot there was a con going on this weekend. :S I'm so out of touch.

Third confession, I'm really amused and thankful for all the milk and cookies on my profile page, especially the part where almost everyone who sent them felt like they had to say something about there not being any calories. LOL. So, Heather, Jo, Keren, [livejournal.com profile] mini_moue and [livejournal.com profile] jane_eyre thank you for looking after my assets. LOL.

Fourth confession, I don't comment there, but I lurk on the anonmeme all the time. I like it there. There are at least one or two people there who could be me. Some of the best show discussion in the fandom either happens there or is linked from there. The fact that I never get mentioned hurts my feelings. LOL. If you or your friends have been bashed there, I'm sorry, but that's not all that happens there. I like it, because you can discuss show without worrying about hurting anyone on your flist's feelings. And when someone's talking out of their ass, people are quick to point it out. You don't have to like the idea of it or go there, but I think a lot of people are biased against it based on third or fourth hand information, and that's really unfortunate. Like I said, though, I'm brave enough to lurk there, but I don't comment, which makes me kind of a pansy. Whatever.

Fifth confession, I am not happy with show right now.

Sixth confession, I know how it ends! BWahahahahahaha! If you wanna know, look behind here. Spoilers only if you haven't seen every other episode up to now. )

And it's a good thing I'm not Catholic, because I think I just abused my confessional privileges by feeding you that line of B.S. I'm so going to Hell.

Seventh confession, I appear to be loopy on caffeine or something.
ht_murray: little girl, cheeks, blue rose (Default)
Dudes, I suck so hard. I just realized it's nearly two weeks now since my race, and I haven't replied to all your lovely supportive comments about it nor to the thoughtful comments on my m/m fiction meta, and if I'm really honest, I don't know when I'm going to get around to that. I also haven't watched last week's SPN nor this week's Glee.

I don't know if y'all have noticed that I'm stupidly busy these days, and work has been exhausting with the futility of it. I know some people hate when people post and then don't reply to comments until well after the conversation is over. I hate that, too! But here's how it is. I usually write these posts in my head while I'm, a)running, b)cooking, c)doing house or yard work, d) at work. And then I jot them down and post them. My first years on LJ I was so much better at being a good LJ friend, and I just now realize it's because I was in such a terrible place in my RL that I spent all my time on LJ. Now that I'm not wallowing in depression and self-loathing, I'm actually doing all the real life stuff that I kept pushing aside before. I really hate that that means less time to reply to y'all, because you have been there in the bad times and you deserve to know I appreciate you still now that things are better.

So, consider this an apology but realize also that I just don't know where the time to reply is going to come from.

Also, some of you have been so sweet in sending me the v-gifts. So, [livejournal.com profile] heather03nmg, [livejournal.com profile] sams1ra, [livejournal.com profile] vanae and, [livejournal.com profile] jane_eyre I have not forgotten you or chosen to ignore you. Nor [livejournal.com profile] chocca2 either. (oops) I actually have been pouncing on those LJ news posts hoping that I could see the free v-gifts first and send them to you all before you had the chance to send them to me. LOL. But the last one... with Frank and the recycling bin??? Erm, no. I'm holding out for kittens or something. But thank you for thinking of me. My profile page loves the shiny, but not as much as I lurve you guys.

Not much to report other than running my ass off, hard at work editing Nightblindness, and rewriting something to submit as a Sip. I had some awesome Michael/Dean inspirations I was planning to write given my recent fallout with Dean/Castiel which doesn't look like it's going to get fixed, but there just isn't time. And I know that I need to update Digging Deep and Under the Rug. Not making any promises about when that will be, but no, they're not abandoned. If you have suggestions about either one of those stories, I'd love to hear them, because while I know the overall arc of the stories, I don't actually know what happens NEXT, which is the big stumbling block. I tend to just let stories simmer until the perfect scene presents itself, and that isn't happening. Sigh.

Finally, thanks to [livejournal.com profile] pd_singer who pointed out that Go Fish is apparently on a couple of bestseller lists at Fictionwise. I never would've known. Haha, I'm so out of the loop. *bangs head* Good friends... I have them.

*smooshes vicariously through LJ interface*
ht_murray: little girl, cheeks, blue rose (Default)
I've discovered, okay, so I already knew it was difficult to watch show with hubby in the room. He's the biggest Sam girl on the planet, and his comments make me want to throw things... not that I do.

This was especially apparent last night, because nothing Dean did was OK with him!

But now I'm laughing. Why? Because I've just been thinking about why this is. Y'know it's always been my theory that the biggest Sam girl on the planet is Dean, (and the biggest Dean girl is Sam) which is the main reason I try not to ever say disparaging things about Sam even when he probably deserves them.

And what does that have to do with anything, you ask?

Hubby was in Vietnam. He has six bronze stars. He declined a purple heart. He volunteered to go, despite having been accepted to Notre Dame. And before that, being the oldest brother in a family of six kids, he took jobs after school to help his mother buy groceries and pay bills. I'm not lying. The dude is too good to be true when he's not pissing me off. LOL.

I'm friggin' living with Dean Winchester. LOL. (And I have to say, when he gets in a rut, he's just as emo as Dean.)

So, as much as watching the show last night was completely ruined for me, and I will probably never be able to enjoy it now from having the pissiness funneled into my ear through the entire thing, I cannot stay mad at him, because I'm the one who always said Dean was the biggest Sam girl. I cannot get mad at hubby for proving me right.

Actual mention of semi-spoilery show content. )
ht_murray: little girl, cheeks, blue rose (Default)
Barn cats are a fact of life for anyone who keeps, well, a barn. Growing up on a dairy farm and now, having horses, I'm more than familiar with the pros and cons of keeping barn cats. What it boils down to is, we need them. Rodents are filthy and destructive. They spread disease and ruin things we invest a lot of money in, not to mention, are a fire hazard. But the barn cat is basically a feral cat that people entice to stay around by leaving out food and providing a place to sleep. Every barn I've ever been to has had a native population of community cats. It's not smart to get attached to them. Barns are dangerous places, and being an outdoor cat has risks all its own. I think I learned in school that the average life span of a barn cat is 2 years. In my experience, that's pretty close.

And see, I'm a logical person who knows these things. Every year there are kittens born in the barn that I swear I will never get attached to. I do my best to ignore them and look the other way, if say, you come to the barn one morning to find one has been squished by a horse or maybe eaten by another cat. I know these kittens never live more than a year out here. I know it.

But then, something always happens to make me start thinking in the second person instead of the first, because I can totally see what's coming, and I would never go there, but you would.

One day you're out in the yard and you hear some poor wretched thing crying and carrying on only to find it hanging upside down with one leg caught between some slats, and you wonder how long the poor thing's been trapped like that. You let it loose, of course you do. Who wouldn't? But then, that little bastard attaches himself to you, and he's the most grateful, affectionate cat you've ever seen, including your own house cat who is kind of a bitch on a good day. :P And you actually look forward to being out in the barn and don't mind if the little brat cat keeps getting in the way, because he's just so damned cute, ya know? And you give him a stupid name, like Charlie Brown, because he's just that wishy-washy and will love anyone who gives him a scratch behind the ears.

He lives a whole year, and shorten the name to Chuck. If you sometimes call him Chuckles, it's not a pet name, because barn cats are not pets.

After awhile you even tell yourself, "Boy, he's getting really big and fat. I bet he's strong enough to beat the odds."

But you know, they never, ever do. And then you're right back where you are every year, crying over a cat that never even belonged to anyone, and there's a row of little petrified wood tombstones with no names on them behind the barn, because you can't do the sensible thing and just toss them over the fence like your grandpa taught you.

And of course, it's the cat's fault. You're smart enough not to get attached. They never are.

Damn you, Chuckles!

I hope that mama cat has finally gone sterile. We're running out of room behind the barn.
ht_murray: little girl, cheeks, blue rose (Default)
I'm just testing the waters here. I know I'd probably get better results by posting these to a few of the classified sites (Would you believe someone once offered me 1800 dollars to shave my head and send him pictures? :S) But anyway, I'm trying to come up with incentives for people to donate to the cause. Not because I need the donations, because I don't, but because it's a good cause. (I don't get this money. It goes directly to the foundation.) So, I thought some fun things like, "If I donate X amount, it counts as a vote for Y result." At the moment, I don't have much to offer, but I saw some fund raising pages where people actually shave their heads for a charity. I do have hair. LOL. Not sure I'd shave my head, but hey, if people were willing to pay to see it, ya never know.

So, anyway, I'm just testing the waters here. Behind the cut, I posted some pics of my hair. Believe me, I'm not this crazy whack job who spends all her time taking pics of herself, LOL. I took these pictures on about 2 separate occasions for just this purpose. Otherwise, I have only pictures of dogs and cats, LOL.

Just so you know, this is not me looking for donations at this point. This is just me wondering if people would actually give money to see my hair come off. LOL. So, if you're brave, peek behind the cut at the pics, and then, if you're not linkophobic, go to our blog and take the poll I posted in the sidebar. That's it. No actual money involved. It's all very hypothetical. Can you do that? *makes puppy eyes*

Pics of Cousin It behind here. )

Now that you've seen the horror, please go to the blog and take the poll. I'm hoping it works for everyone, but I honestly have never done a Blogger poll before, so I don't know. Thanks in advance.

Randomness!

Mar. 1st, 2010 10:35 am
ht_murray: little girl, cheeks, blue rose (Default)
First, I usually don't do these Happy Birthday posts, but since I saw someone say there was too much Jensen Ackles on her flist today, well, I simply must. Cuz, yeah, I'm a little vindictive like that.

Happy Birthday, Jensen!!


Photobucket
Yes, it's my own crappy pic and I'm not cutting or resizing. That's what birthdays are for.


Random 2: I posted a quote about Jensen running in our running blog, and I know I've read about Jared running with his dogs and such, but I don't know where the quotes are. Can someone help me out with a Jared running quote?

Random 3: I got sunburned yesterday on my 10 mile run. In February. I'm at once both amused and appalled. I know better than to go out without sunblock. It's been so cold and rainy and gross for so long, and it was so beautiful outside, I didn't even think about it. /fail.

Random 4: I met a lady walking a donkey down the road while I was running. It was funny, because as I ran by I remembered what I learned about donkeys in Animal Science 116-- sometimes people keep them with their sheep and fowl because they run off predators like foxes and coyotes. It occurred to me that I had just discovered the answer to my dog bite problem. I just need to get a donkey to run with me. LOL. Okay, that's not practical, but it was a cute donkey.

Random 5: Um, I dunno how to say this. Y'all are entitled to other fandoms, but the more Jonas brothers that shows up on my flist, the more I'm inclined to dislike the Jonas brothers. I won't ask anyone to make filters, because you're not here to please me, and I'm perfectly capable of scrolling by, but you know how, when someone keeps telling you that you MUST like something, you end up just resenting it? Well, that's happening. No disrespect intended, just gut reflex. Sorry. FWIW, I also love Adam Lambert but don't Kris Allen or Kradam and have a strong gut reaction to that, too. But I don't see much of it, so I can deal. :/

Random 6: I'm really excited about the Chicago Marathon. I'm only a little worried there might be some wank when we start fundraising. Ah, well. LOL.
ht_murray: little girl, cheeks, blue rose (Default)
Would you believe there's not a store in College Station, Texas that has a Playstation 3 console? Not on the shelves. Not in the store room. Not in a truck on the way to the store. They're just... gone.

And they sat there in their shiny glass cases all through the Christmas season, taunting because we had no money to buy them. And now that we have the money...

Tax season. Apparently, now everybody has the money.

And now my sweetie has a whole week of vacation and no PS3.

Can't believe I'm actually considering driving to another town. :S

Posted...

Feb. 24th, 2010 07:56 am
ht_murray: little girl, cheeks, blue rose (Default)
Next chapter of Digging Deep is up. I'm not too sure on that one, but hey, comments are disabled, so I guess if everyone hates it, I'll never know. LOL.

Also, posted a humorous gadget review on the running blog. There be kitty pics! Yay!

I'm still working out the kinks over there. And for those who asked, the charity we decided to go with is... *drumroll*... Team LIVESTRONG and the Lance Armstrong Foundation. They apply money to cancer research as well as into educating and supporting people with cancer and their families. It's a great cause, and it seemed fitting, since Lance also hails from Texas. There's no minimum fundraising balance for us if we buy our own bibs into the race. We really want people to be able to give what they can, when they can, because they believe in the cause and not because the two of us are desperate to hit a minimum goal and get into the race. That doesn't mean you're not going to hear about it and get linked to our fundraising pages regularly. If I'm sweating my butt off and limping through the miles, the world is going to know I'm doing it for a reason.

We haven't set up the fundraising page, yet because Tracer wants to wait a week or so to purchase her bib. I'll probably snag mine when she does.

So, there ya go.

On a random note, most of the snow has melted, but there's still ice over my car door. :/
ht_murray: little girl, cheeks, blue rose (Default)
I got bitten by dogs again while running. Same dogs. Same neighbors. Dan's kinda pissed.

I love dogs, but my patience is wearing thin. :/

pics behind cut )
ht_murray: little girl, cheeks, blue rose (Default)

Congratulations to Cambria-Friesland Hilltoppers - Kye Leystra on being nominated for The High School Football Rudy Award.



So, I've never heard of these awards, but my family and friends have been linking to it on my Facebook. I'm sure all the nominees deserve the award, and if nothing else, reading through them will be a good way for y'all to be inspired on a lazy Sunday. But, if you don't have time to read them all and want to support a kid from my hometown, vote for Kye. Today is the last day for voting.

And I'm sorry for the funky coding. They only had an embed code for Facebook. :/
ht_murray: little girl, cheeks, blue rose (Default)
And boy am I in a state. :/

I feel like I owe some of you an explanation, since I posted fic with comments disabled and didn't include a poll or anything.

cue explanation/whining with a side of self-loathing and hair pulling. )

So there, done with my morning cry. You all know what's up. And now I can go out in the freezing cold and run until I don't care anymore. Wheeeeeee!

On an upnote, some bright, intelligent Cambria-Friesland High School Alum went and created a Cambria-Friesland High School Alumni group on Facebook, and I've hooked up with more people from 'home' in the last two weeks than I probably did in all the years I actually lived there. (Scarily, I'd forgotten how many of them I am actually related to. They mention a common aunt or uncle, and I suddenly go, "Meep! We're cousins. I forgot about that. LOL.") Ah, small Wisconsin towns. You gotta love 'em.

ETA: Is Clif really too naive to realize that 90+%(totally made up number) of his 3000 followers probably came from LJ? Methinks he doesn't understand the internetz as well as he thinks he does.
ht_murray: little girl, cheeks, blue rose (Default)
LOL. I thought I posted this this morning before I left. Now, I just logged on after work, and here it is sitting, waiting to be posted. Ah, well, it's still relevant, even if no one's around.

Thank you everyone for making this a wonderful birthday. *giant hugs*

Little story. Kinda depressing, but you can't talk about how far you've come until you at least mention where you've been. I'll keep it brief. Work in an hour. Sigh.

Little secret. I didn't especially like school. I know, that's funny coming from someone who kept going into grad school. I guess what I mean is I didn't like being AT school. I just mostly preferred being at school to being a home.

This is that scene in Pretty Woman where Vivian has to tell Edward why she didn't buy more than one dress.

They were mean to me. I know. Kids. Mean. At school. Wow, that's profound.

Back in elementary school it was pretty bad. We lived very close to the high school, so we were the last pickup on a school bus that went to the high school where we changed buses for the grade school. So, by the time my sister and I got on, there was no place to sit, and everyone on the bus was bigger than us. Now, it sorta computes that the one seat we always found open would be the seat of a kid with a not so great self esteem himself, but back then, this guy was just... he gave us the name Snort. Actually he called my sister Snort and I was Frankie for Frankenstein, but Snort stuck because it fit with our last name.

It would've been fine if it'd stayed on the bus. Five minute ride, tops. But it didn't. It went to the grade school. No one would talk to us. Everywhere we went people were shhhhhhhiiing with waving fingers... spraying for cooties... and yelling "Snort!" If someone accidentally got touched by one of us, they had to be sprayed. They sprayed for repellent. They made the spraying noise to just annoy us. Threw pennies at us on the bus. I know, cry more. Whatever, kids are mean.

I didn't much care. Okay, I did care, but I just read a lot and stayed by myself. I didn't need them anyway, right?

And then came the annual trip to the Vilas Park Zoo in Madison. We went every year. I was six, and for some reason, our teacher that year decided we all needed a zoo buddy. A partner from the class. Fine. I resigned myself to being picked last and maybe ending up with the teacher as my buddy.

Instead, the teacher made me pick my buddy. First. From anyone in the class. Me. Pick. And that was the worst possible thing she could've done. Because hiding in books and keeping your head down in class doesn't prepare you for looking up and seeing everyone look away and knowing, at six years old, that you're about to ruin someone's day, because everyone in the class would rather spend the day with anyone else but you.

Anyway, I picked a girl. She spent all day avoiding me. By the time I got to high school, I had a truce with most everyone. If they didn't go out of their way to be dicks, I wouldn't go out of my way to make them look stupid, and we all got along fine.

My God, Tracy, why would you tell us that depressing story?

Because. The other day on Oprah, they were talking about how the brain develops and how, at six years old, we are the person we will be for the rest of our lives.

I'm not that little girl.

I look back, and yeah, sometimes I look forward, and find both scenarios less than stellar, but if I draw the most logical path from where I started... there are so many worse places and so many worse ways I could've ended up in life. And I might have the occasional bout of depression but I do appreciate my family, friends, creativity, art... so much. I'm pretty darned happy most of the time.

Which just goes to show. You don't 'end up' anywhere in life. You get there by the seat of your pants or any way you can. And if you don't like... well, maybe you ought to change your pants.

(Sacha darlin', that's the most beautiful card I've every gotten, and I waited until this morning to open it just like you asked. *throws confetti* LOL. I lurve you so much!)

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