End Panic Attack, Teeny Apology, and a thought on 4.13...

[ht_murray]

Looks like the issue I was having earlier was an LJ issue, and not me... Hallelujah, cuz man, I'd done everything but buy a new computer, and I can't afford a new computer. *quivers through aftereffects of withdrawal* Ahhh, this is much better.

So, now I'm way behind on commenting as y'all commented on my last couple of posts, and I was saving those to answer tonight, and y'all been posting today, and I haven't been able to get to you.... *glomps* Okay, so I suck. I get it. I shall fix that. Promise.

And I said I wasn't gonna do episode reactions anymore, because I hate having my squee harshed by reading them, and I don't want to accidentally harsh anyone else's, but I do have one thought about the episode that's kinda bugging me. And no, it's not negative about either boy. It's more about... well, the way something was addressed. Can't say more out here...



So, the thing that the blonde chick said to Dean after he came out of the closet with the other chic. (I'm terrible with names... Angela? Amanda? Had to be Amanda, cuz Angela would just be too funny considering...) Anyway, um, she was pissed. I got that. And he was a horn dog. I got that. (Although, you and I understand he probably did that to avoid getting too attached to blonde chick.)

So, yeah, he totally deserved to get reamed out in front of the whole school.

But here's the thing... She didn't call him a horn dog, or a whoring man-slut, she called him a scared, lonely little boy. Um, yeah, that's the truth, but did that REALLY have to be the statement she used to turn the entire school against him? Is it really cool to ostracize someone for being damaged?

Personally, I'd have kicked him in the plums, grabbed him by the ear and dragged him off somewhere to make it up to me, but then I lurves him, LOL.

It's just, he tries to hide that stuff, so he already thinks it's something to be ashamed of (not a lot of actual coping going on there), and way to just pour salt in it, ya know? Who needs Hell when you can walk around with festering wounds every day of your life?

Comments

[samidha.livejournal.com]

Oh, God... I hope he doesn't leave. That scares me. It scares me a lot.

:(

Writing pre-series has put me in the position of having to somehow deal with the whole issue of Sam leaving and let me tell you that it is not a happy place. I know that he had to. I know that he qwas quietly suffocating to death especially with how he is Dean's entire world. But I'm a Sam!girl and it still hurts to think about him leaving.

I'm taking it pretty wholesale AU at that point so that in the end it comes to a resolution I can live with but I expect most people to still be pretty anti-Sam after reading. I can't figure out a way around it though. They wouldn't be our boys without a little time apart.

[tru-faith-lost.livejournal.com]

Exactly about the slowly suffocating part. I was totally there, which is why I cut Sam a lot of slack. I actually think I'm a totaly Dean girl, because I'm Sam at heart. Of course, Sam would love Dean more than he loves himself. Isn't that kind of the whole conflict of the supernatural universe?

And don't sweat about how people feel about a character in your fic. It's your job to tell a story and let them draw their own conclusions. I find people actually like a little bit of room to play with their own perceptions than to have the author's biases crammed down their throats. I mean, when you read my bigbang did you go... OMG, what a total Dean girl. I hate that bitch? LOL.

[samidha.livejournal.com]

LOL! No, you know I didn't. :)

I guess it's just hard to write Sam when I am frustrated with him and wish there was another way. I hope at least by the time it's ready for public consumption I will have made him understandable. But right now I'm cursing myself for having to deal with it at all because it hurts my soul. Oh well... To a degree, though, that's what's going to make the fic good because there's no point in writing 20k+ with no conflict.

I am TOTALLY Sam. :) Minus the badassery. Heeeee.

[tru-faith-lost.livejournal.com]

Wait? You didn't? Then I totally missed my mark. *goes to delete that story, lol*

It's not supposed to be easy. I mean, I think that's also why I write mostly in Sam POV, because I get him and I don't have angst over it. It just is, whereas I just adore Dean and don't like to get too far into that mess without some kind of filter.

[samidha.livejournal.com]

LOL. See, exactly... WHY AM I WRITING HURT!DEAN? This is the entire problem! Because it makes Sam woobie and neurotic and woobie Sam hurts my soul, and yet.... nnnggggg.

This is what I get for trying to complete a bunny that formulated when I hadn't even been in the fandom for a month yet. LOL.

But sometimes I feel like I'm weird because I might be the only Sam!girl who doesn't like hurt!Sam much. Sammy's little woobie face in the teacher scene broke me so bad! I had so much rage against that teacher guy and I know he meant well... but two seconds of woobie!Sam totally undoes me. FAIL.

Oh well. One day I'll figure it out. ;) But if I can pull this off I will rule. ;)

[tru-faith-lost.livejournal.com]

Haha, you will rule.

I don't get Hurt!Sam as a genre just, in general, not because I'm a Dean girl. It's just, the whole point of those fics seems to be that he gets hurt and Dean and John are supposed to feel guilty and realize OMG they can't live wifout heeemz, and really... that's pretty much canon already, isn't it? I mean, I'd much rather have Sam being badass and showing he's not just something to be taken care of and protected.

And I like to hurt Dean because he's always pretending to be so tough, not because I want to write woobiness and put him back together. It's all about character advancement, which I guess a lot of people don't get, but this is fanfic, so let them have their fun, LOL.

[samidha.livejournal.com]

Yes, exactly, to ALL this.

Badass Sam is my CRACK, dude. There needs to be more badass Sam in our fandom. Maybe it will come out of hiding now that badass!wee!Sam is canon? (Pssh, like we fans of badass!Sam needed confirmation. ;) )

I don't generally read much h/c because I think as a disabled person with a chronic illness I come at it from totally the other side of the playing field. I mean, I like the idea of people getting comfort when they need it, but I mostly just sit there rolling my eyes as soon as hospital procedures are coming into it. And it makes me feel like "This is a terrible version of my stupid real life experiences with all the details romanticized. UM NEXT."

Granted, there's very little that actually squicks me in fandom anymore... so it's not that. I honestly wish there was more h/c I *could* read... so maybe that's why I came up with incubus.

Evil sex curses? That I can get behind. ;)

[tru-faith-lost.livejournal.com]

Haha, bring on the evil sex curses!

I wonder if you might consider naming your incubus Tracy, cuz you know that's a unisex name. LOL.

[samidha.livejournal.com]

LOL. *PMs you*