End Panic Attack, Teeny Apology, and a thought on 4.13...

[ht_murray]

Looks like the issue I was having earlier was an LJ issue, and not me... Hallelujah, cuz man, I'd done everything but buy a new computer, and I can't afford a new computer. *quivers through aftereffects of withdrawal* Ahhh, this is much better.

So, now I'm way behind on commenting as y'all commented on my last couple of posts, and I was saving those to answer tonight, and y'all been posting today, and I haven't been able to get to you.... *glomps* Okay, so I suck. I get it. I shall fix that. Promise.

And I said I wasn't gonna do episode reactions anymore, because I hate having my squee harshed by reading them, and I don't want to accidentally harsh anyone else's, but I do have one thought about the episode that's kinda bugging me. And no, it's not negative about either boy. It's more about... well, the way something was addressed. Can't say more out here...



So, the thing that the blonde chick said to Dean after he came out of the closet with the other chic. (I'm terrible with names... Angela? Amanda? Had to be Amanda, cuz Angela would just be too funny considering...) Anyway, um, she was pissed. I got that. And he was a horn dog. I got that. (Although, you and I understand he probably did that to avoid getting too attached to blonde chick.)

So, yeah, he totally deserved to get reamed out in front of the whole school.

But here's the thing... She didn't call him a horn dog, or a whoring man-slut, she called him a scared, lonely little boy. Um, yeah, that's the truth, but did that REALLY have to be the statement she used to turn the entire school against him? Is it really cool to ostracize someone for being damaged?

Personally, I'd have kicked him in the plums, grabbed him by the ear and dragged him off somewhere to make it up to me, but then I lurves him, LOL.

It's just, he tries to hide that stuff, so he already thinks it's something to be ashamed of (not a lot of actual coping going on there), and way to just pour salt in it, ya know? Who needs Hell when you can walk around with festering wounds every day of your life?

Comments

[thestraychild.livejournal.com]

I remember watching a stand-up show by this guy called Dane Cook (at least I think that was his name, but I forget) that said one of the main reasons girl's always triumph in arguments is that we're, and I quote, "brain ninjas". We know just where to hit to make sure that it hurts.

That said, I really agree with you. Yes Dean is/was a total horndog and yes the whole making out with another girl in the closet thing? So not cool. But man was what she said uncalled for. It was cruel on a totally unecessary level.

Personally, I'd have kicked him in the plums, grabbed him by the ear and dragged him off somewhere to make it up to me

This made me giggle. Though again I completely agree with you, damned if I wouldn't be able to give up on him that easy. Especially when he really is worth it, baggage and all.

[samidha.livejournal.com]

Well, we know more about Dean than Amanda does...

What had ME totally confused was, she was all "You live in a motel?" and suitably weirded out and you could SEE her little teenaged brain going "this is where to get out of dodge, right here," and she didn't do it?

I mean I am not saying that at that point Dean deserved that, but I was... she was being too adult about it IMO.

Obviously it was an episode setup issue but I felt like it didn't make sense.

[tru-faith-lost.livejournal.com]

He totally is worth it. *pets*

And I dunno what girls that dude's been fighting with, but I'm terrible in an argument. I think of all my best comebacks two days after the fact. LOL. I fail at being girl!

[sams1ra.livejournal.com]

I agree.
Glad the problem with LJ got solved ^__^

[tru-faith-lost.livejournal.com]

Dang, me too. *smooshes*

[unplugged32.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it was uncalled for:/ But since the episode was going for maximum mental damage to both boys, I see why they did it;)

OMG, so glad it isn't your computer!!! What would I do without you???

xoxoxoxo

[tru-faith-lost.livejournal.com]

LOL, why must they hurt them more? Arent' they messed up enough. LOL. I guess I'm just a giant softie. I do see why they did that, but it didn't exactly make a good statement about brotherly love and fellowship in American youth. Okay, so yeah, that's exactly why they did it... hahaha, nothing like commenting right after I get out of bed to talk myself in circles.

[apieceofcake.livejournal.com]

>> Personally, I'd have kicked him in the plums, grabbed him by the ear and dragged him off somewhere to make it up to me, but then I lurves him, LOL.

LOL! Yep!

and agreed to the rest!

Glad it wasn't your comp!

[tru-faith-lost.livejournal.com]

Hahaha, well I couldn't give up on him, but then I've known him for the better part of four years, so I got a head start on that chickie. He definitely deserves another chance or three.

And yay about LJ being back. Man, that was harsh!

[chocca2.livejournal.com]

*kicks LJ for you* Damn LJ!

4.13- I hear you on the scene with Dean and Amanda. Really made me feel for him. But I mentioned in my mini review, I think the writing for teen!Dean was lacking. *sigh*

Anyway...I'm still writing this first scene for bigbang. And I have FINALLY watched THE film relating to our fic \o/ I found a free stream!!! *pumps fist* SUCCESS!

[tru-faith-lost.livejournal.com]

You found a stream!! OMG! Well, I hope that doesn't scare you off. LOL. It is a weird type of movie, not for everyone, but definitely intriguing.

I didn't have really a problem with teen!Dean, in general, because I kinda expected him to be not as cool as he thought he was. Though, I am kinda disappointed that after only one episode we got to see that Brock dude kissing almost as much as we've seen Dean do it in four whole years, lol.

Can't wait to see what you post. *makes grabbie hands*

[tru-faith-lost.livejournal.com]

Eeep, I kinda agree. I always, well back in season one I thought, but since then have abandoned it, that maybe Dean saw YED in the house that night and didn't say anything. But that's just my theory.

Um, and I'm sure it was there for a purpose, and like I said, it's totally true, and I don't think he wanted to recognize that about himself. I just think it was the wrong reason for everyone in school to turn against him. But then, I'm a giant softie, and I always jump into mother hen mode when it comes to Dean, since no one on the show seems to want to stand up for him, and he'll never do it.


Um, also, I think I'll have to screen your comment, since I doubt you'll be able to edit it now that I've replied, but someone has informed me that they didn't like being spoiled in here.

Though, personally, I've never really found any fascination in wondering why his eyes bled. Every time it comes up , I feel a little like I got stuck in a time warp. Though, now that I think on it, if it was because of the thing I speculated way back in the day, then it would be interesting to see why YED didn't kill him, since he said he'd kill anyone who interrupted. D'ya supposed he remembered Dean from ITB and said something to him? *ponders*

[smidirini.livejournal.com]

Inciteful girl was inciteful :P Yeah, it probably didn't do his self esteem any good but I guess that was the point :( It was probably a pretty teensy thing in the road to Dean's giant wall of repression all things considered!

[tru-faith-lost.livejournal.com]

LOL, probably so. I'm probably damaged by watching to many teen movies with Molly Ringwald and Patrick Dempsey in them, haha. And Dean's way more deserving of a little self worth than any character they ever played. *nods head*

[larienelengasse.livejournal.com]

I think the thing with Dean isn't that he's ashamed of his life, because he really has nothing to be ashamed of — as you say. I think the thing is that he's proud of what he does, but he can't talk about it (obviously) and so he just has to suffer the weird looks and insults from someone "normal," and consequently ignorant, like that girl.

I had a feeling she was going to go there in his first scene with her, from the looks she was giving him when he talked about being alone with Sam and not having a curfew. There was this judgmental look on her face that pissed me off — like she was looking down her nose at him, or slumming with the bad boy, or whatever. I was not happy with her at all.

I also think that his horn dog ways are a defense mechanism. He can't get too close to people, so this is his way of keeping up the walls. However, there's something that's been nagging at me since the beginning of this show...

Dean has a really deep sense of self-loathing. It's been there since the Pilot, and it's only gotten worse given everything he's been through - John going to Hell for him, him going to Hell for Sam, what he did in Hell - I wanna know what happened to him to make him this way. susannaheanes mentions it above in her response, I think she's dead on. It could just be that he spent his entire life trying to live up to his father's ridiculous expectations of being the perfect soldier when he should have been able to be a kid, or maybe it's something more specific. It's like he thinks he has something to atone for, something that he did, or perceives he did, a long time ago. I have a feeling that might be a bomb that has yet to drop, but it comes up every once in a while. Like in the Bloody Mary episode that she mentions.

[tru-faith-lost.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I totally gave that chick more credit than I should have. She seemed nice enough to me, maybe sympathetic to Dean, but you're right, she probably always was just a judgmental little snot.

Ooh, and I replied to susannaheanes's comment with what I think it might be that Dean's trying to make up for, but that's only speculation. I think I wrote it in a fanfic way back in Season one, (my first fanfic, Go Me!) and I kinda abandoned it after that as everything got more complicated, but if y'all really think his issues go back that far, it might not be that far off.

[samidha.livejournal.com]

I told you you were just going to come away from this ep wanting to snuggle him to bits. ;) (And other things... LOL. I think Brock was awesome as long as he wasn't talking--he has some affect issues. But yeah. Physically totally Dean.)

[tru-faith-lost.livejournal.com]

Haha, I thought Brock did a pretty decent decent job. I mean, to me he obviously wasn't Dean, a little bit too New Yawk for me, but for someone who just stands in for one episode, I think he did a pretty awesome job.

[angels3.livejournal.com]

It was Amanda because I would so not do that! I'm the murdering zombie girl thank you very much *hands on hips*

I agree he didn't want to meet the parents. I just want once for something to go his way damn it. I love Sam I really do but just once I want him to think Dean was what formed him not a teacher. I know he loves his brother no one can question that not after how he was both times he lost him and how desperate he was to have him back but I just want them BOTH yes I said BOTH to sit their asses down and fucking tell each other and acknowledge it.

[tru-faith-lost.livejournal.com]

LOL, I'd love that, too, but let's face it, the only way that discussion is ever happening is over a Ouija board when one of 'em's gone for good.

You know, now that I think about it, the way I almost see this handled (Dean confronting his inner issues) in fanfic, is some OC goes all mystical and wise and tells him or tells Sam. I think I even did that, but I've since realized that story as sucktastic, lol. Show actually did the same thing, just not in a very nice way. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, but it just felt nasty. Oh wait, high school. Everyone's nasty in high school. LOL.

[oc-pixie.livejournal.com]

I guess some people act outwardly when they're pissed...Amanda...I think she may have just hit him where she knew it would hurt the hardest...his ego.

I liked what she said to him simply because it showed that he was just as damaged then as he is now....and SOMEONE actually saw it.

But also...so is the joy of high school...if you don't walk away from that place physically damaged, you're at least a little mentally damaged.

[tru-faith-lost.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I mentioned to angels3 that that's the same way they point out Dean's inner demons in fanfic most of the time. Some shiny OC goes all insiteful and calls him on it. I guess I just read too much fic, cuz I was hoping she'd be nicer about it. LOL.

But yeah, high school, what was I thinking?

[sadelyrate.livejournal.com]

That whole exchange seemed somehow surreal to me. Like it's not really how it happened, just how it 'felt' like: she said something that served as a blow to his ego, and he came back with something he wanted to be true, wanted the world to acknowledge.

But it was rather... sudden. To think Dean would let some...girl of the week get close enough to see all that? To see what he's really like? Doesn't ring true. Maybe he was still learning that, though.
One blow like that too many, and no wonder he was so scared of telling Cassie the truth. Of being honest with anyone outside of his family, and perhaps, the hunter community.

This ep needs some thinking.

[tru-faith-lost.livejournal.com]

Ooh, I like the idea of it being Dean's perception of what happened. It's hard to tell, sometimes, with the way scenes are shot and written, whether it's intended to be a specific character's perception without going for the nausea-inducing first person camera angles. The focus on Dean's lips (though I'm not complaining about that, lol) sorta does lend one to believe that it was almost a waking dream for him. While I think it actually happened that way, maybe it's our own attachment to Dean that makes it seem surreal, a shared nightmare.

And strangely enough, the whole "girl of the week gets close enough to see all that" thing has been done so many times in fic. (I think I did it, too, but my chick was definitely psychic, lol.) It's possible I saw it coming and was expecting something fluffier and more "ficcish" instead of focusing on what a Hell high school really is.

The saddest thing about that part where he's saying, "But I'm a hero," is that, yeah, she pointed out one thing about him to the world, but she totally missed this whole other part, and he's in no position to share it. He's got to keep his good deeds as secret as his demons. That's harsh.

Much more thinking needed on this episode, but I sometimes get lazy with that part and just wait for the show to tell me.

[hoveringon.livejournal.com]

Yea, I cringed when she said that. I bet he still remembers that. Urg. D:

[tru-faith-lost.livejournal.com]

Haha, yeah, way to promote inner peace and zen, ya know?

[munibunny.livejournal.com]

I couldn't really figure out where they were going with that chick.. The face she made when she found out he lived in a motel made me think she was going to dump him but then the next thing he says is that she wants him to meet her parents? huh? If I was 18 and some leather jacket wearing dude who lived in a motel without any parental supervision was trying to get me to break curfew, I wouldn't want to take him home to meet momma. I'd wanna do other things with him... but that's just me.

Then, she catches him with the other girl and is all pissed because he isn't the sensitive, caring guy she sees looking out for his little brother. It's a pretty big leap for her to deduce that he's a scared, lonely little boy and his man-whoring is a defense mechanism to prevent him from getting too close to say, an amazingly warm and wonderful person like her. hahaha!

Ok. Ok. I'm done.

[tru-faith-lost.livejournal.com]

Exactly! You're right on about that. It seemed to me like it was a very forced scenario designed just to slap Dean in the face with something everyone who watches the show already knows but he apparently doesn't. I try to remind myself that most of the viewing audience is not in fandom and doesn't spend hours and hours analyzing and romanticizing these characters, and so maybe there were people out there who needed to be shown that, but a little sensitivity would've been nice. Sam got to go and get some closure with his English teacher(not that it ended up being closure so much as opening a whole other can of worms), and Dean got what? To hit a kid with a dodgeball? I'm not sure what's the point of forcing the inner issues to the surface only to ostracize him for it and have him push them that much further down. I'm beginning to think Dean will never get a happy ending. Poor bb.