The other cheek, or so to speak.

[ht_murray]

A couple days ago gatorgrrrl made a post about the new Facebook group, "Jensen and Jared Deserve Respect," which is basically a group for people who are against slash of all types.

I'm not going to link that asshattery. I'm sure you can find it if you really want to. When I heard about it, I think my comment was that there was bound to be groups like that out there, but I'd probably unfriend anyone on my list who joined it.

Well, yesterday one of my friends did become of a fan.

I haven't defriended her. Believe me, I want to. But the thing is, I think she's a genuinely good person. She knows I write slash AND wincest, and she's always been nice to me, to my virtual face, ya know? And I guess it would be awfully hypocritical of me to tout free love, tolerance, and acceptance if I'm not going to practice it as well. I guess it's definitely a WWJD scenario.

I don't always DWJD, but in this case, I will.

Which brings me to my major point of contention-- the whole idea behind Facebook groups. From what I see, these groups do nothing and consist of basically an opinion that people get behind or don't get behind. My problem is, it's so easy to just click on something and tell the whole world that you hold a certain opinion or take a certain stance, but you don't usually have to own up to it afterward. Half my friends joined the "I don't care about your farm, your fish, blah, blah, blah, group" and the other half were hurt that no one cares about them when online games are a huge part of their lives, for whatever reason.(A few have medical problems and don't get out of the house much.) Like I said in my Facebook, it's one thing to hide all those apps from your home page, it's quite another to broadcast to everyone that you don't care about what they're doing. And because the groups don't ever actually do anything except wave a banner for a day or two while it makes the Facebook rounds, people think it doesn't matter which ones they join. But why, if you wouldn't say something directly to someone's face, would you join a group that basically plasters the sentiment all over their Facebook pages?

I blocked Farmville on Facebook. My mother has COPD and lives on disability. Farmville is her job. My cousin Casey has CF and spends more time on the computer than a kid his age who can do more physical activity. His mom lets him have a Facebook and play Farmville but makes it so only his friends can see him. If all of his friends were to join the Facebook Group, "I don't care about your Farm, your Fish, blah, blah, blah," how would that make him feel?

People are allowed to have opinions. People should have opinions. But Facebook groups just seem like a way for cowards to seek company in numbers and say things they know will hurt someone without being accountable. Anyone can point, click, and run off at the virtual mouth. How about just telling me what you think to my face? After all, it is Facebook right? Not, talk-about-you-behind-your-back-on-your-own-homepage-book.

Comments

[gatorgrrrl.livejournal.com]

I agree about the Facebook groups. I belong to a few, but those are for causes like breast cancer and animal cruelty, etc. Several of my FB friends have joined the "I don't care about your farm, your fish..." group and when I saw the alerts on my FB home page I just rolled my eyes. Like, really? Just hide the app from view for crying out loud. Problem solved.

My sister-in-law's sister joins every FB group that has an insulting or stupid name ("I don't give a f**k" is an example). I'm sure she thinks it's funny, but I just ask myself why. What's the motivation behind even creating a group like that in the first place, unless it's just to see how many people you can get to join?

As for online games, several of my friends (RL and otherwise) love Mafia Wars, Petville, Farmville, etc. For a while I was even into Petville myself, but I dropped it because damn, taking care of one fake pet was harder than taking care of my three real ones! But I don't begrudge people their games. Hell, I like to take quizzes and post my results on my FB page which I'm sure no one cares about. That's the nature of Facebook.

Ultimately, people feel more secure online. They're willing to say things and do things to other people they would never do in person. That veil of anonymity, so to speak, makes them bolder. It's still insulting and rude in some cases, but the guilt factor is less because you can't see the hurt from the other side of your monitor. (And yes, I am guilty of this, too.)

As for the "Jensen and Jared Deserve Respect" group, like I said in my post - they are of course entitled to their opinion. Lots of people don't like slash. That's okay; it's not for everyone. I, however, chose not to join the group. And even if I didn't write slash, I still wouldn't join. It's not a true cause. It's not worth fighting for (imo) when there are so many other things to crusade against. And btw, being listed as a member of a group like that on Facebook doesn't make you one of The Good Guys and the rest of us The Bad Guys. It's fandom, not the cure for AIDS.

/my two cents

Heh. Sorry about the babbling. But your post really stuck a chord this morning, I guess. Maybe I'm just cranky from lack of sleep. :o)

[tru-faith-lost.livejournal.com]

Hehe, all babbling is welcome, as I kinda ran off at the mouth myself. I think you and I are pretty much on the page. I shouldn't let those things bother me, but every time I see someone come out vocally against slash, I have to shake my head and wonder to myself if they know just how many of their friends read it and are just afraid to admit it. I can't even tell you how many people I chatted with back when I still wrote mostly Gen who admitted to reading and enjoying slash but were afraid if they admitted it their friends or readers would go away or something. :/

I think it especially bugs me, like you said, that in this case they used the word 'respect' so as to give the impression that having that opinion somehow made them the good guys and everyone else the bad guys. That kind of self-righteousness always makes me grind my teeth.

[unplugged32.livejournal.com]

Don't get me started on Facebook! I created a FB because my old HS friends insisted that I did. For me, who lives across the world, it seemed like a good way to keep up with and reconnect with old friends. This worked to an extent; my old 'gang' or in our case my old 'lunch table' has reconnected and we're all emailing and calling and texting and whatever and that's great. But damn, it's like HS ALL over again, the SAME people who were the equivelent of jocks and cheerleaders (we didn't have cheerleaders and our sports teams were pretty crappy)are still, 25 freaking years later, behaving in the same way. I actually feel sorry for them, it's hysterical. Now about 10 of my FB friends play Farmville, me included (not religiously though, I just don't have the time) and I was pretty annoyed when 'Jenny Cheerleader' started ragging on our Farms, joined that group, and others followed. I keep telling spouse I'm gonna leave FB and he keeps telling me just to ignore Jenny the Cheerleader and Joe the Jock but man, it's been pretty hard!!

I wouldn't defriend someone who joined that J&J group, babe, simply because some peoples religious beliefs and/or the way they were raised heavily influences their views on homosexuality, morality and whatever but that doesn't mean they are a bad person. You did the right thing by keeping them as a friend, especially since you like this person.

{{squishes}}

[tru-faith-lost.livejournal.com]

LOL. We were discussing in the thread above that it's not so much that these people have opinions, it's that they somehow think their opinion or belief makes them somehow morally superior, being that they say they hold it out of 'respect.' But you're totally right. Facebook is a ton like high school. Recently, someone from my high school started an alum group for the school, and I've 'connected' with more people now than I was ever connected to when I as actually in school.

To a degree, they are a lot the same, but I've also been pleasantly surprised by a few. People do change when they grow up. Maybe it's because our school was so small and so many of us are somehow related, but I've noticed a lot of people move on from the roles they had in school. I guess when your school is a little bit of nothing, you start to realize your role their wasn't much either.

But publicly criticizing other people's happy places just seems mean and spiteful even if that happy place is kinda goofy and silly. I like goofy and silly sometimes. Life would be boring without them.

Also, you were in my spam folder again. I give up. :/

[starry-ice.livejournal.com]

I have to admit I laughed when I saw the "I don't care about your [whatever]" group, but I do see your point about the potential to hurt people. I feel like FB has become more anonymous now that it's open, and so you unfortunately start to see the same shenanigans found in all online communities.

I don't really keep track of groups anymore and I don't join them. I used to use FB more but I've locked down a lot now because I'd really prefer to be as unsearchable as possible. People I see at work just don't need to have access to any of my personal info ;)

[tru-faith-lost.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I don't know if I have joined any groups or not, but if I have it hasn't been recently. If I have something to say, I generally just say it. Makes things a lot easier for everyone. And I guess the anonymity of it all is the worst part, because almost all the people on my Facebook are people I know or have known in real life, school mates and relatives. Seems like we should all be able to say things to each other's faces.

[angels3.livejournal.com]

I don't think I have time to worry about that shit honestly. If someone wants to wave a flag for a day or two or whine about whatever then more power to them as long as they stay out of my business I'm happy.

Lots of folks around here are doing the Farmville thing and I just shake my head and laugh.

[tru-faith-lost.livejournal.com]

Yeah,I shouldn't let it bug me. I keep my Facebook for mostly family and people I know from Wisconsin. I only have a very few fandom people friended on there, so when they bring that crap in, it's like they're bringing it into my house. I mean, I don't post slash in my Facebook to offend them or post J2 banners and manips. I don't go out of my way to say offensive things about their opinions and beliefs. It would be nice if they gave the same consideration. But somehow their opinion isn't an opinion. It's a crusade.

And Farmville amuses me except when it's every other entry on my page. At first I thought the little lost whatevers were sad, but no, I did not adopt the little buggers. LOL. Doesn't mean other people can't have their fun. I just don't want to play along.

[angels3.livejournal.com]

I don't even have one because my mother has one. I mean I love her but I don't want her all up in my business. She'll find someone where I live on there and it's close to my name and she'll call me and ask if it's me even if I've told her a million times I don't have one.

She found my kids and of course what were they going to do say no grandma I'm not going to friend you so they got hung. Me no way thank you very much.

I think they can have an opinion if they want but I wouldn't want to see it on my place either. Is there a way to filter that person's posts?

[kjfri.livejournal.com]

You make an excellent point. I am guilty of the "I don't care about Farmville" thing and definitely didn't mean to dis those people who like to play it if that's what makes them happy. Knowing how they are all doing on said games makes me less happy, so would you be so kind as to share with me how I can block certain apps from posting on my FB without blocking the person's other status posts? Thanks. I guess my opinion on Farmville etc is more of an expose on my ineptitude at blocking FB apps.

[tru-faith-lost.livejournal.com]

This I can help you with. If you mouse over the Farmville entry on your Home page, a little "Hide" symbol appears in the upper right corner. Click on it, and it will ask if you want to block the application, aka Farmville, or if you want to block the friend. You block the app once, and it blocks it for all the people on your list who use it. And you'll still see that user's other posts. Of course, if your friends play as many different games as mine do, there will always be new ones. :P

[kjfri.livejournal.com]

Wonderful!! I mistakenly "hid" my cousin once and it took me forever to figure out how to get him back without having to defriend and friend him again (which would have successfully outed myself as the FB doofus I am). So this is will be a joyful thing you have shared. THANK YOU!!

[tru-faith-lost.livejournal.com]

Hee! You're welcome!

[x5vale.livejournal.com]

Just a couple of days ago a Facebbok group was closed here in Italy because it was against the children with Down syndrome.

This group said these children where useless and should be used as a kind of dartboard.

You know, how sick can people be?

[tru-faith-lost.livejournal.com]

It seems anymore that Facebook Group is just a misnomer for Trolls under a proverbial bridge. Sure, there are plenty that are harmless and pointless, but if it's harmless and pointless what's the point of forming a group except to draw attention to one's self, which is the heart of trolling, right?

That being said, I know some of them are for good causes. So, I'm not sure how to police that other than just turning the other cheek and ignoring the trolls. It just sucks when friends and family are sucked in.

[sexytexanjra.livejournal.com]

What you've said here sums up a lot of why I don't actually want to be a part of Facebook. Online games existed a LONG time before Facebook came along. Facebook just made it possible for you to be a virtual asshole and pretend that you aren't really one. blah!

I'm with you, if you can't say it to someone in person or at least in a format that identifies you easily then don't say it at all!

That's just me though. I understand the draw of social networks but I am very concerned about the impact it is having on our upcoming generations ability to interact with each other in person. Most peoples communication and social skills suck and now we have created an artificial environment where they can interact without a lot of the consequences of doing it in person. Recipe for disaster IMHO.