Let's See How Far We've Come...
Jul. 11th, 2009 07:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ht_murrayLOL. I thought I posted this this morning before I left. Now, I just logged on after work, and here it is sitting, waiting to be posted. Ah, well, it's still relevant, even if no one's around.
Thank you everyone for making this a wonderful birthday. *giant hugs*
Little story. Kinda depressing, but you can't talk about how far you've come until you at least mention where you've been. I'll keep it brief. Work in an hour. Sigh.
Little secret. I didn't especially like school. I know, that's funny coming from someone who kept going into grad school. I guess what I mean is I didn't like being AT school. I just mostly preferred being at school to being a home.
This is that scene in Pretty Woman where Vivian has to tell Edward why she didn't buy more than one dress.
They were mean to me. I know. Kids. Mean. At school. Wow, that's profound.
Back in elementary school it was pretty bad. We lived very close to the high school, so we were the last pickup on a school bus that went to the high school where we changed buses for the grade school. So, by the time my sister and I got on, there was no place to sit, and everyone on the bus was bigger than us. Now, it sorta computes that the one seat we always found open would be the seat of a kid with a not so great self esteem himself, but back then, this guy was just... he gave us the name Snort. Actually he called my sister Snort and I was Frankie for Frankenstein, but Snort stuck because it fit with our last name.
It would've been fine if it'd stayed on the bus. Five minute ride, tops. But it didn't. It went to the grade school. No one would talk to us. Everywhere we went people were shhhhhhhiiing with waving fingers... spraying for cooties... and yelling "Snort!" If someone accidentally got touched by one of us, they had to be sprayed. They sprayed for repellent. They made the spraying noise to just annoy us. Threw pennies at us on the bus. I know, cry more. Whatever, kids are mean.
I didn't much care. Okay, I did care, but I just read a lot and stayed by myself. I didn't need them anyway, right?
And then came the annual trip to the Vilas Park Zoo in Madison. We went every year. I was six, and for some reason, our teacher that year decided we all needed a zoo buddy. A partner from the class. Fine. I resigned myself to being picked last and maybe ending up with the teacher as my buddy.
Instead, the teacher made me pick my buddy. First. From anyone in the class. Me. Pick. And that was the worst possible thing she could've done. Because hiding in books and keeping your head down in class doesn't prepare you for looking up and seeing everyone look away and knowing, at six years old, that you're about to ruin someone's day, because everyone in the class would rather spend the day with anyone else but you.
Anyway, I picked a girl. She spent all day avoiding me. By the time I got to high school, I had a truce with most everyone. If they didn't go out of their way to be dicks, I wouldn't go out of my way to make them look stupid, and we all got along fine.
My God, Tracy, why would you tell us that depressing story?
Because. The other day on Oprah, they were talking about how the brain develops and how, at six years old, we are the person we will be for the rest of our lives.
I'm not that little girl.
I look back, and yeah, sometimes I look forward, and find both scenarios less than stellar, but if I draw the most logical path from where I started... there are so many worse places and so many worse ways I could've ended up in life. And I might have the occasional bout of depression but I do appreciate my family, friends, creativity, art... so much. I'm pretty darned happy most of the time.
Which just goes to show. You don't 'end up' anywhere in life. You get there by the seat of your pants or any way you can. And if you don't like... well, maybe you ought to change your pants.
(Sacha darlin', that's the most beautiful card I've every gotten, and I waited until this morning to open it just like you asked. *throws confetti* LOL. I lurve you so much!)
Thank you everyone for making this a wonderful birthday. *giant hugs*
Little story. Kinda depressing, but you can't talk about how far you've come until you at least mention where you've been. I'll keep it brief. Work in an hour. Sigh.
Little secret. I didn't especially like school. I know, that's funny coming from someone who kept going into grad school. I guess what I mean is I didn't like being AT school. I just mostly preferred being at school to being a home.
This is that scene in Pretty Woman where Vivian has to tell Edward why she didn't buy more than one dress.
They were mean to me. I know. Kids. Mean. At school. Wow, that's profound.
Back in elementary school it was pretty bad. We lived very close to the high school, so we were the last pickup on a school bus that went to the high school where we changed buses for the grade school. So, by the time my sister and I got on, there was no place to sit, and everyone on the bus was bigger than us. Now, it sorta computes that the one seat we always found open would be the seat of a kid with a not so great self esteem himself, but back then, this guy was just... he gave us the name Snort. Actually he called my sister Snort and I was Frankie for Frankenstein, but Snort stuck because it fit with our last name.
It would've been fine if it'd stayed on the bus. Five minute ride, tops. But it didn't. It went to the grade school. No one would talk to us. Everywhere we went people were shhhhhhhiiing with waving fingers... spraying for cooties... and yelling "Snort!" If someone accidentally got touched by one of us, they had to be sprayed. They sprayed for repellent. They made the spraying noise to just annoy us. Threw pennies at us on the bus. I know, cry more. Whatever, kids are mean.
I didn't much care. Okay, I did care, but I just read a lot and stayed by myself. I didn't need them anyway, right?
And then came the annual trip to the Vilas Park Zoo in Madison. We went every year. I was six, and for some reason, our teacher that year decided we all needed a zoo buddy. A partner from the class. Fine. I resigned myself to being picked last and maybe ending up with the teacher as my buddy.
Instead, the teacher made me pick my buddy. First. From anyone in the class. Me. Pick. And that was the worst possible thing she could've done. Because hiding in books and keeping your head down in class doesn't prepare you for looking up and seeing everyone look away and knowing, at six years old, that you're about to ruin someone's day, because everyone in the class would rather spend the day with anyone else but you.
Anyway, I picked a girl. She spent all day avoiding me. By the time I got to high school, I had a truce with most everyone. If they didn't go out of their way to be dicks, I wouldn't go out of my way to make them look stupid, and we all got along fine.
My God, Tracy, why would you tell us that depressing story?
Because. The other day on Oprah, they were talking about how the brain develops and how, at six years old, we are the person we will be for the rest of our lives.
I'm not that little girl.
I look back, and yeah, sometimes I look forward, and find both scenarios less than stellar, but if I draw the most logical path from where I started... there are so many worse places and so many worse ways I could've ended up in life. And I might have the occasional bout of depression but I do appreciate my family, friends, creativity, art... so much. I'm pretty darned happy most of the time.
Which just goes to show. You don't 'end up' anywhere in life. You get there by the seat of your pants or any way you can. And if you don't like... well, maybe you ought to change your pants.
(Sacha darlin', that's the most beautiful card I've every gotten, and I waited until this morning to open it just like you asked. *throws confetti* LOL. I lurve you so much!)
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-07-12 12:57 am (UTC)You're right about where you wind up in life. Thanks for pointing that out, sometimes it's easy to forget that. *smishes*
no subject
Date: 2009-07-12 01:04 am (UTC)Happy Birthday! I hope you had a good day.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-12 01:38 am (UTC)Also, I think your story is inspiring. I generally dislike the stuff they put on Oprah because a lot of it tends to be stories made into principles for the sake of viewership. And it makes me worry that a lot of people to watch the show and think everything on it is absolute truth.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-12 01:51 am (UTC)Going forward is the only thing we can do and sometimes we smile and sometimes we cry but we keep going forward. :)
no subject
Date: 2009-07-12 02:10 am (UTC)Also: I have to say I don't agree with that statement from Oprah about how at six years old, we're the person we will be for the rest of our lives. In all my years of schooling, I've never come across any research that would directly support this. Perhaps, yeah, we reach a point in our childhood/adolescence that our brains begin to lose plasticity and thus our ability to adapt/shape to new experiences declines. Too, yeah, our childhood experiences shapes our brain for the rest of our life "making us" into that person, but, I don't know, like I said, I don't completely agree with that statement of theirs. (Sorry. Psychology student rant. I'd go on, but you'd probably just end up kicking me out of your journal, ha. xP)
no subject
Date: 2009-07-12 03:39 am (UTC)I am glad you are able to see how far you have come. There are so many people stuck in the past it is pathetic.
Although there seems to be a large part of the male population that still acts like they are 6 years old, I cannot believe that we are all the person we were at 6. If that was true I would still be so shy that I couldn't look anybody but my mother in the eyes and I would never be able to utter a single word in front of a stranger. Now I am responsible for a staff of 180 people and have given speeches in front of hundreds and even testified in front of legislative committees.
So if I had been in the Oprah audience for that show I might have been coughing into my hand and the sound might have come out sounding like "bullsh*t".
True what happens to us affects how we feel. However we all have the opportunity to act how we choose to act regardless of how we feel. It is my opinion that long term happiness is a choice. You have chosen wisely.
Enough with the serious stuff... have some fun on your birthday. Here is Nevada in his party hat:
no subject
Date: 2009-07-12 06:33 am (UTC)Oh, that should not be the case. :(
*hugs you*
I don't like being at school, especially high junior. I spent my elementary and junior high first year in a small town and what a lovely time that was. That was heaven and I felt genuinely happy. Every student seemed to love other students. But back in where I'm now in the capital city? Bleh. I think hated every day of it. Only when I got to my college that is also not too big did I feel happy again. I guess I'm just not made for a big city/place.
And that's certainly not decided when I was six. :P
And I'm sorry for being late for your birthday. *hugs*
no subject
Date: 2009-07-12 08:51 am (UTC)Your prezzie should be either be packed up, ready and waiting in a plane or already there on American soil by now lol
You story is inspiring, and touching, rings home to me. A chunk of my childhood and days at school were riddled with physical bullying, racial name calling and much more and I didn't think I'd get through it. But I'm here, still carrying all those things but trying to move on and live with them so it doesn't still hurt so much any more. Anyway, thanks for sharing your story with us, your a strong and amazing person *hugs*
no subject
Date: 2009-07-14 05:11 am (UTC)I think that's some pretty sage advice. Too many people waste all their time complaining, and don't act upon the change that could actually help them.
Oh, and: Bleated birthday greeting is belated.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-14 05:12 am (UTC)I think that's some pretty sage advice. Too many people waste all their time complaining, and don't act upon the change that could actually help them.
Oh, and: Bleated birthday greeting is belated!
no subject
Date: 2009-07-16 06:15 am (UTC)It is my observation that you don't "end up" anywhere in life until you reach the end. Life happens to us every day, and although I believe we're born with the core of our personality, events affect us, change us, it's inevitable. You cannot live, not among the living, and be unaffected, unchanged.
You get there by the seat of your pants or any way you can. And if you don't like... well, maybe you ought to change your pants.
This? Is superlatively sound advice.
Also, I missed your birthday! I'm sorry! I hope it was a good one!