I have always been VERY VERY VERY out in re: sexuality (HELLO I'm bi), and so when my mom (who is mystified but figures she can't stop me re: bisexuality) was like, "THIS BOOK MEANS YOU WANT TO BE MAIMED AND ABUSED and you have a death wish and you want them to kill you!" and all that... it BROKE me. I just had no idea how to deal with that. Still, I got out of dodge, and I was out and active in the kink community elsewhere. And I am sure my mom is not over it, but she got over it enough to start supporting me as her daughter again, you know? And she would again. And if she didn't, well, I'd deal with that too. I just NEVER want to have that happen out of the blue again if I can help it...
And unfortunately she's getting kind of less rational as time goes on.
That said--yeah. The time before my assault, when I was out as kinky and queer and participating in the community for both and everything... it was one of the happiest times of my life. Unfortunately, with the assault and everything... every single thing I used to enjoy takes a lot out of me. So... I'm kind of turtle-shelling right now, possibly til I move out of the area because the weather severely effects my health which is part of it.
But I do know that now that my life is much more compartmentalized it hurts more. So I fully intend to fix that, I just... can only take so much at a time and right now my focus is on getting through the stupid PTSD. *sigh* Not even sure it will ever go away, but at least it's scads better than it was.
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branchandroot
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Date: 2009-01-27 10:13 am (UTC)I have always been VERY VERY VERY out in re: sexuality (HELLO I'm bi), and so when my mom (who is mystified but figures she can't stop me re: bisexuality) was like, "THIS BOOK MEANS YOU WANT TO BE MAIMED AND ABUSED and you have a death wish and you want them to kill you!" and all that... it BROKE me. I just had no idea how to deal with that. Still, I got out of dodge, and I was out and active in the kink community elsewhere. And I am sure my mom is not over it, but she got over it enough to start supporting me as her daughter again, you know? And she would again. And if she didn't, well, I'd deal with that too. I just NEVER want to have that happen out of the blue again if I can help it...
And unfortunately she's getting kind of less rational as time goes on.
That said--yeah. The time before my assault, when I was out as kinky and queer and participating in the community for both and everything... it was one of the happiest times of my life. Unfortunately, with the assault and everything... every single thing I used to enjoy takes a lot out of me. So... I'm kind of turtle-shelling right now, possibly til I move out of the area because the weather severely effects my health which is part of it.
But I do know that now that my life is much more compartmentalized it hurts more. So I fully intend to fix that, I just... can only take so much at a time and right now my focus is on getting through the stupid PTSD. *sigh* Not even sure it will ever go away, but at least it's scads better than it was.