What a difference 30 days can make
Jun. 28th, 2011 01:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ht_murrayToday is exactly one month since my mom passed away.
One month and one day ago, I was only thinking as far ahead as August. I was training for a half marathon in Madison, Wisconsin, planning to spend a week or so up there visiting with family, run the race, and coming back to Texas. A month and a day ago, I kinda figured Texas was home and was gonna stay that way.
But in the last month, everything changed. I'm not running the half in August anymore, which is good, because my training went totally to pot for about a week and a half. I'm just now getting back in the groove, but I am planning to run that race next year, along with my cousins and my aunt. We've even talked about doing Chicago next year as a family thing. And I've considered doing the Disney marathon in a year or so, and bringing my sister and her family along, because I'd love to be there the first time the kids see Disney World. Over the last month, not much has changed here, except everything has changed. This isn't home anymore, and after some good long talks with hubby, he finally agrees there's nothing down here for either of us that's as important as everything we have up there.
So, it's officially unofficial (won't be official until I actually quit my job next spring) that we're planning to move in the spring. As much as I'd like to just pick up and do it now, we're going to need a good while to get everything arranged. You don't just pick three horses up and move them across the country without a lot of hassle. And no way we're moving in the fall with a Wisconsin winter bearing down on us. So, spring it is.
And to drive the point home, the point of no return I guess, yesterday we bought a truck. We already have a truck, but not one I'd feel safe driving across the country in. So, now we have a new/used 2005 Dodge Ram 1500 sitting in our driveway, all shiny and new-looking. And it's paid for. You should've seen hubby's hand when he was writing the check. LOL. It's not the first indulgence I've allowed myself in the last month either. I also bought myself a new Viewsonic gTab, which isn't supposed to be all that great out of the box, but which, I'm told blows iPad2 out of the water once you root it and install a new ROM. For the price, I guess I can take a chance on bricking it, in which case I'll probably buy the Toshiba Thrive. Because hey, you can't take it with you. Well, in our case, you can, as long as it'll fit in the back of a Dodge pickup.
Big things coming down the pipe, and I suddenly don't feel like I'm treading water anymore. I wonder if I'm supposed to be sadder, shedding more tears, kicking myself over missed opportunities. I dunno. But I'm not doing any of those things. What I am doing is looking forward to something. That's more than I could've said 30 days ago. And it's all good, I think.
One thing I should've said 30 days ago that I didn't say nearly enough. I love you, Mom, and thank you for everything.
Tracy
One month and one day ago, I was only thinking as far ahead as August. I was training for a half marathon in Madison, Wisconsin, planning to spend a week or so up there visiting with family, run the race, and coming back to Texas. A month and a day ago, I kinda figured Texas was home and was gonna stay that way.
But in the last month, everything changed. I'm not running the half in August anymore, which is good, because my training went totally to pot for about a week and a half. I'm just now getting back in the groove, but I am planning to run that race next year, along with my cousins and my aunt. We've even talked about doing Chicago next year as a family thing. And I've considered doing the Disney marathon in a year or so, and bringing my sister and her family along, because I'd love to be there the first time the kids see Disney World. Over the last month, not much has changed here, except everything has changed. This isn't home anymore, and after some good long talks with hubby, he finally agrees there's nothing down here for either of us that's as important as everything we have up there.
So, it's officially unofficial (won't be official until I actually quit my job next spring) that we're planning to move in the spring. As much as I'd like to just pick up and do it now, we're going to need a good while to get everything arranged. You don't just pick three horses up and move them across the country without a lot of hassle. And no way we're moving in the fall with a Wisconsin winter bearing down on us. So, spring it is.
And to drive the point home, the point of no return I guess, yesterday we bought a truck. We already have a truck, but not one I'd feel safe driving across the country in. So, now we have a new/used 2005 Dodge Ram 1500 sitting in our driveway, all shiny and new-looking. And it's paid for. You should've seen hubby's hand when he was writing the check. LOL. It's not the first indulgence I've allowed myself in the last month either. I also bought myself a new Viewsonic gTab, which isn't supposed to be all that great out of the box, but which, I'm told blows iPad2 out of the water once you root it and install a new ROM. For the price, I guess I can take a chance on bricking it, in which case I'll probably buy the Toshiba Thrive. Because hey, you can't take it with you. Well, in our case, you can, as long as it'll fit in the back of a Dodge pickup.
Big things coming down the pipe, and I suddenly don't feel like I'm treading water anymore. I wonder if I'm supposed to be sadder, shedding more tears, kicking myself over missed opportunities. I dunno. But I'm not doing any of those things. What I am doing is looking forward to something. That's more than I could've said 30 days ago. And it's all good, I think.
One thing I should've said 30 days ago that I didn't say nearly enough. I love you, Mom, and thank you for everything.
Tracy
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no subject
Date: 2011-06-28 08:15 pm (UTC)I think your move could be a good thing but you are smart not to run off half cocked. Thinking it through, getting your affairs in order and scoping things out seems like a good idea. You are moving east? Where are you thinking of going to?
There's lots of horsyness in the east (of course there is lots of horsyness everywhere.)
Good wishes on your spring move!
no subject
Date: 2011-06-28 08:38 pm (UTC)I know that your mom's passing was a shock, and you've been in my thoughts often. X
no subject
Date: 2011-06-28 09:46 pm (UTC)I wish you the best with everything! ♥
no subject
Date: 2011-06-28 11:03 pm (UTC)I'm sorry for your loss. xx
no subject
Date: 2011-06-29 12:28 am (UTC)H and I had a ton of history and baggage in NC, and we stayed much longer than we ever should have, taking care of my mom. When that was no longer a necessity, we did something we had talked about but never really believed we'd be able to do--we moved to PNW.
I miss my friends and my kid and my grandkids, but other than that, there's nothing I regret leaving behind. Being here has left behind so much crap we didn't need but couldn't shed--it just didn't make the trip. The move was the best thing we ever did, for each other, and for ourselves.
May your move be the same for you, or even better.
no subject
Date: 2011-06-29 12:53 am (UTC)I am glad you are doing what your heart leads you to, good for you!!!! (cheering you on from the sidelines!!!)
no subject
Date: 2011-06-29 03:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-29 11:47 am (UTC)Good on you hon. Some times we need horrible things to get us really thinking about what is most important to us in the end. I'm glad that you've been able to work that out and that you are working towards it. Everything is so much easier when there is a goal in front of you.
*squishes you tight*
no subject
Date: 2011-06-29 05:45 pm (UTC)But it sounds like a door is opening for you - I wish you all the best wherever this new path leads you!!
no subject
Date: 2011-06-30 12:55 am (UTC)It sounds as if the tide is turning and stuff in the future might finally be looking up for you. Crossing my fingers for you and sending you all the best love and luck I can.
♥ you bb!
no subject
Date: 2011-07-03 01:26 am (UTC)Anyway, I'm glad to hear you're doing okay. And don't worry about not being sad enough; there isn't a certain sadness quota that needs to be filled before we can say we've properly grieved.
Best of luck to you, Tracy.