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ht_murrayHow I Know that I Just Don’t Know...
Most of you know I didn’t like Swan Song. The few of you who’ve tried to engage me in discussion about it have pretty much given up trying to convince me it wasn’t as bad as I seem to think it was. And the hate spawn are parading around their quick-witted phrases about how people like me brought on our own disappointment by being led astray and following the red herrings, and blah, blah, blah, all in all not 'getting' it, which, BTW, is so not true. I get it. I get it perfectly. I just don't like it.
But apparently, I cannot be reasoned with.
It’s ironic, too, because this episode didn’t turn out much different than the series ending I wrote myself way back in season 1. That story’s not online anywhere anymore, but it was my second fanfic ever, my first completed one, since the first was still a work in progress when I came home from work one night and jotted it all down in one sitting. In that one, Dean ended up with the wife and kids and Sam watched from the fringes but didn’t get to be a part of it, because that was the life he wanted for Dean and not all the stuff that Sam was tied to. The major difference between this ending and mine was that Sam wiped Dean’s memory, because somehow that Sam understood that Dean would never be happy in a life without Sam unless he didn’t remember Sam. And in that, Sam was just so damned proud of Dean that he got over not being able to be in his life. My favorite quote from that fic is, "He(Dean) was them. He was them... winning."
Okay, that’s probably unfair to Sam. Knowing what I know now, I doubt he’d be able to live without Dean any more than I believe Dean could live without him. But at the very least, I liked my ending better than the one where Sam asks Dean to shoot him in the head and then go on with his life, and Dean does. *rages silently*
Obviously, both those stories were written, and way back in season 1 and 2. Apparently, on some level, we’ve always known how it would end. (Okay, don’t hit me with the argument about how it’s not over, because that’s relative, and a point for later discussion.) I shouldn’t be surprised, then, right? I should be doing the dance of ‘Hahahaahahahaaaaa, I told you so,’ but I’m not. Maybe I’m just stupid. I do know one thing, though, I do not want to hate it. No way I’d want to feel this let down by something I’ve given five years of my life to. I’d like to see Show be redeemed for me, but so far, I’ve read a few metas about how awesome it is in an effort to see the light, and mostly, all I’ve gotten out of those is that I’m clearly too stupid to see how awesome it is, and not liking it is a wanky, bitchy way to wrap up five years.
Well, I don’t accept that not liking it is wanky, but maybe I am stupid. Maybe there’s something about me, in particular that makes me unable or unwilling to enjoy the show.
So, what is it about me? What am I doing wrong? Is it because I’m a bitch? I guess, that’s entirely possible. Say what you mean or shut up works best for me in most situations. As Cordelia Chase so eloquently pointed out, “Tact is just saying stuff that isn’t true..”-- or something like that, because I’m also lazy and don’t feel like finding the actual quote.
But surely bitchier, lazier people enjoyed this episode? So, I’m going to guess neither of those is my problem. Since I honestly don’t know why I can’t let it slide, I’ve been doing my research. Okay, so I’ve been lurking all over LJ. Same thing. I thought, maybe if I read enough reactions, I’d be able to pinpoint what exactly about it I hated or stumble across that one perfect statement that I completely agreed with or absolutely disagreed with that would make everything snap into focus.
I had no idea how much clutter two days worth of episode reactions and show meta could cram into my head. Lemme just say, it hurrrrts, but so far, no blinding light of revelation.
Running On Empty, or What Other People Hated, Also Known as Your Mileage May Vary
From reading reactions all over Livejournal (only LJ, because I don't go to any other sites anymore) I've got a pretty good idea about what didn't work for a lot of people, or at the very least, what didn't work for some people.
OMG! The Cheese!
It was cheesy as Hell. C’mon, it was really kind of over the top and all over the place with the emo and the badly timed humor and the gore and the power of love. It was one of those Cheese Nips commercials where the kids try to explain how so much cheesy goodness got into that one tiny cracker, only the cracker was 40 minutes worth of television. There was stargazing and hugging, yellow crayons, assbutts, and splodey angels o’ doom. It was really kinda... bad.
But, I don’t hate the cheese. I love cheese. I am the queen of cheese. Okay, after watching that, I relinquish my crown. I’ve had betas shame me into deleting whole stories just by using the word ‘cheesy’ in a comment box. In my opinion, cheese is an art form in and of itself. I’d much rather read or watch a story that doesn’t take itself too seriously and still manages to make a statement that sticks with you long after the end.
Show has always been cheesy and tongue in cheeky, and quick to yank the metaphorical pursqueeter. Some people stuck around despite that. Some, like me, actually thought that was one of the highlights. (Haha, in my original ending, Dean not only got the wife and kids, but he was a rock star, too, and Sam went to his shows every chance he got. The cheese is strong in this one.) In my opinion, it's only bad if the cheese is intended to be taken seriously. I'm a little up in the air as to how seriously we were supposed to take this episode. Probably I've ended up taking it way more seriously than was intended, and if so, yes, that IS on me.
While I agree that, in this case, it might’ve been a bit over the top and effectively watered down the impact, I didn’t hate the cheese. I probably should, because yeah, after five years, I was ready to try it neat instead of watered down, but I had no expectations of getting that. So, no, the cheese did not disappoint me. Go Team Cheese!
Lack of Michael!Dean
I know a lot of people were disappointed we didn’t get to see Michael!Dean. I’m not. I have been running my mouth since season one, going on and on to anyone who would listen that the hero has to be human. Unless you’re angel, in which case, the hero has to be an angel. The point is, a hero is a character who you can relate to well enough to be inspired to find the hero in yourself. Superman is awesome, but I will never be able to leap tall buildings, and if I jump in front of a speeding bullet, I will probably die. I’m more likely to take a bullet for someone else if I believe there’s someone out there who’d take one for me. (Wow, tangent much? LOL.)
My point is, I’ve been saying the hero has to be human, and, if we had gotten Michael!Dean, then Dean’s humanity would’ve been downplayed. As badass as I think it would’ve been to see, that particular scenario was never anything I wanted on the show. So, I’m not disappointed Dean never said yes. I can see how some people might've been.
Dean didn't DO anything
In the end, Dean was beaten to a pulp, couldn't defend himself, didn't even try, he was just there.
So, I never wanted him to be Michael, that doesn’t mean I’m not disappointed in the Vessel/Righteous Man/Servant of Heaven arc as a whole. I may never have wanted or believed that Dean would be Michael's vessel, but that doesn't mean I wanted him to do nothing. *cues up the cries of "Stupid bitch! Loving Sam isn't NOTHING!"* Okay, I concede, it isn't nothing, but it is nothing new. As I said in one of my earlier posts, being there for Sam is noble, I guess, but he's always been there. I will also concede that the context has change. At that point, Sam's pretty much everything Dean's learned to fear and hate and fight against, but still he stays. Noble, yes. Heroic even, but I'll just come out and say it, not good enough. Not for the final episode of what was intended to be the final season. I've heard people say that Dean's major action was turning down Michael. Fine, then, why did that happen several episodes ago? Would it have made Sam look bad if it came down to the last episode and Dean fought of Michael and Sam said yes?
And the argument is that Dean broke through and allowed Sam to win over Lucifer. But he didn't. He would've killed Dean if he hadn't spotted the army man. Sure, the army man is a symbol, but why did they need a symbol when Dean was right there? I love the Impala and I love the backstory we got for it in this episode, but in the end, it watered down the effect rather than adding to it. That's my opinion. If the episode had to focus around Sam's redemption, then why did Dean have to share his one role with the car? They even started the episode with the car and implied it was the most important object ever.
So, yeah, I get why people feel like Dean didn't have enough to do. I'm inclined to agree. Call me crazy. Call me butthurt. The point is, all I ever wanted from the finale was for the boys to stand against the apocalypse together as equals, and this was so far from that.
The Acting
Heh. Not touching that with a ten foot pole.
Chuck is God
Yes, I do think that's what was implied, and no, I'm not sure I like it, but I didn't hate it. FWIW, I don't think he was God until the beginning of Season 5, after the encounter with Raphael. Before that, he was clearly troubled by his visions and wanted to warn Sam about the final seal. All in all, I find it a little eye rolly that Chuck and therefore Kripke is God, and his final narration irked me more than a little, but I didn't hate that. If God had to be someone we knew, then Chuck works for me.
I Knew It!
Here’s a point I’m divided on. I guess it depends how you look at it. I’ve seen two schools of reaction directly related to having figured out how it would end. The one school is doing the OMG, I motherf**king TOLD YOU SO dance of ‘Man, that was perfect.’ And the other is stuck at, ‘Really? Five years and you didn’t have any surprises up your sleeve?’
Let’s face it, the only part of the equation we were missing, the ony thing that hadn’t been laid out on the table for us since day one, was the little army man in the ashtray. Somehow, it’s always been glaringly obvious that Dean’s heroism is being human and being there for Sam, and that his reward for that heroism would be the life he never had... or death. (Death is not a reward IMHO, so I'm not even going to address people who thought that would work as an ending, because it makes me RAGE, and you wouldn't like me when I'm RAGEY.) Likewise, it’s always been obvious that Sam’s tied to evil on a level which he can never escape (of course by means not of his doing). I guess, you either love that you saw the writing on the wall, or like me, you sat watching the episode, mentally ticking off all the stuff you knew was going to happen but had really hoped wouldn’t, and came back out feeling cheated because you weren't surprised even once, and the very ending you'd been dreading but hoping and praying you'd never have to watch actually came to fruition. I've heard it said that people like me brought on our own angst. If we knew what was going to happen, why did we hope for something different? I think it's called Faith. Either that or obsession. Either way, I suppose I was screwed from the get go.
If I, and half a dozen or more other unpaid, unschooled, unknown fanfic writers could pick out the basic gyst of the ending all the way back in season 1,then why did we have to suffer through the mind numbing angst for five years,(not to mention the unending wank and aneurysm bursting) and why did we give ourselves permission to hope we could still be pleasantly surprised? Yes, I know. We do it for the pretty boys. All the more reason, I guess, to not realize there was nothing deeper waiting to be revealed.
I guess, the fact that it was so predictable is supposed to mean it was perfect and well-executed, a road laid out and paved with care over time. Hell, I’m even willing concede it might have been the only way it could’ve ended other than with both of them dead.
I see you. I see you on the other side of that monitor shaking your head and rolling your eyes and going, “Then what the f**k do you want?!!!”
I don’t know. That’s what this is about, remember? If I must suffer the WTFery, then so must you. I’m not only a bitch, but I’m also evil. Suck it.
Now, where were we? Oh yeah, WTF do I want? Since I don’t know, just yet, other than for people to read the fic I post, dammit all to hell, I find it helpful to examine what other people wanted from the episode and how that affected their enjoyment. These are taken primarily from lurking on the anonmeme and reading publicly posted episode reactions, so involve sweeping generalizations that I don’t necessarily agree with, but sometimes found too amusing not to look past.
You Can’t Always Get What You Want, Or How Enjoyment is Affected by Character/Ship loyalty.
Love it by Default
These are the fans who are pretty much willing to overlook all the reasons to hate on the episode, even if they agree with them, because they got the thing they wanted most out of it.
--Samgirls wanted Sam to save the world. They wanted him to be redeemed for everything he did in season four. Most of them really love the superpowers storyline, so they’re willing to overlook the gallons of demon blood and the fact that there were probably human vessels for the demons that were bled dry just like that nurse from 4.22. Oh, and the fact that Luci totally set them up. It was still Sam’s choice. That’s what free will is all about. I agree, at least, on that front.
--Dean/Sam shippers wanted the brotherly love to trump all evil. They’re willing to overlook the fact that it was really Sam’s army man that trumped evil, because hey, it’s a symbol for f**k’s sake, and anyone who takes that literally does not get the point or see the artful craftsmanship. Also, since there have been several threads of heated discussion on the anonmeme pertaining to it, I gather that Dean/Sam shippers also had a burning desire to trump the Dean/Castiel ship. So, Dean not sobbing brokenly when Cas blew to smithereens, and Cas not offering Dean any condolences, other than to tell him he got exactly what he asked for, before disappearing into the night, pretty much erased any criticism they had for the episode with one twinkle of Samifer’s eye.
--Cas girls who didn’t really ship Dean/Cas mostly seemed to just want for Cas not to end up dead. Hating on the episode would just be inviting someone to revoke his pardon. If there’s one thing we’ve all learned from watching the show, it’s not to tempt fate.
--Likewise, Deangirls who just wanted for Dean not to die.
And those people who think the only good fans never have anything but squee.
Hated it By Default
--First on the list of those who hated it by default, again a sweeping generalization taken from various discussion threads, many of them anonymous, Samgirls who wanted Sam to either die for good or stay in Hell long enough to trump Dean’s forty years. The jury’s still kind of out on the last bit, but it looked to me like the great and powerful Chuck beamed Sammy outta that hole before any substantial time had passed. I have to say, while I don't get the whole, Sam's sacrifice has to trump Dean's in terms of the amount of suffering he has to bear (what a f**ked up method of keep score) I do think I'd be disappointed in this ending even if I was a Sam girl. Show has always trivialized death to some extent. But in this episode, where it was supposed to be Sam's big final sacrifice, the ultimate of ultimates, he was preceded in death by Castiel and Bobby, who both bit it in fairly lolarious, Saturday morning cartoon fashion. Sam wasn't dead more than a few minutes when they both got un-asploded, leaving fairly little doubt that Sam would pop out of his box fairly shortly as well.
This whole scenario kind of reminds me of Season Five Angel where Spike had just become corporeal again after going out in a blaze of glory in the Buffy finale. He planned this vacation to go and see Buffy and find out if the home fires were still burning, but ended up not talking to her because standing there, pretty much unscathed, would somehow cheapen his sacrifice. He wanted her to remember him being heroic, not floundering around trying to be a bad guy with a good old soul. I dunno if I agree with that. It’s not like he asked to be brought back, and it shouldn’t reflect on the choice he made to sacrifice himself in the first place, but I can see how he maybe thought they had the perfect ending and didn’t want to spoil it with a bad epilogue. Of course, I don’t believe tragic endings are ever perfect. I’ll take a bad epilogue any day, thank you very much.
--Hardcore Dean/Castiel shippers also seem to dislike the episode by default. Hmmm, this is definitely a generalization, because it’s hard to draw the line between hardcore shippers and casual shippers. Personally, I liked Dean/Sam and Dean/Castiel and I know there are others in the same boat who never really got the shipwar since it was all about pretty boys in love, right? But I get the sense that people who were in fandom specifically for Dean/Castiel hated this episode by default, primarily for the reasons I listed above as to how the Dean and Castiel interaction played out and not so much because the brother love saved the world. Even the hardcore shippers had to know that was coming, but I have heard rumblings that the episode made it seem like Dean and Cas were barely even friends. I only watched it the once, such is my loathing, but I can see where that interpretation might be valid.
--Then, there are the Deangirls who wanted Dean to do something he hasn’t already done in a hundred other episodes. Horse is dead; stop beating it. Never gonna convince those who don't want to be convinced. While I definitely have strong leanings toward this school, I don't think that's the only reason I didn't like the show.
--Deangirls who wanted Michael!Dean. I guess my earlier statement about it being obvious that Dean’s heroism was his humanity was false in that some people didn’t find it so obvious. I see that was an erroneous statement, and I apologize if it sounded pretentious or pushed some of your buttons. I should’ve said, it was obvious to me, but I’m the ‘hero must be human’ gal, so, of course, it was obvious to me. Hell, a few episodes ago when Dean was all ready to say yes to Michael, I was even willing to accept that as his only option, so I can see how people might’ve expected that to happen or even wanted it.
--Anyone who expected there to be actual apocalypse in their apocalypse. I get that. I’ve never really cared about the apocalypse storyline, just about how it affected the guys, but I know if I had cared about that, this would’ve probably gone down as the worst apocalypse ever. Someone mentioned newscasts talking about earthquakes and storms and how they were actually scenes from a bad B-movie rehashed to portray our apocalypse. I have to admit, I don’t even remember seeing those, so I’m taking her word that they were even there. So, yeah, apocalypse fail definitely transpired here.
--People who wanted to know WTF Azazel's plan actually was, why he needed to make the deal with Mary when Sam and Dean were apparently destined by blood, and how finding that out was supposed to help Dean 'stop it.' Anyone who wanted the Righteous Man story arc to finally mean something. Anyone who wanted clarification on why Dean was able to kill the Babylonian False Prophet (yeah, I know that's not her name). In short, anyone who actually believed there was a plan to the plan. I guess, to a degree, I fit in here, too, because there are a few things I'd pretty much demand an explanation for if I had the chance, but for the most part, I realized the Azazel/Special Kids storyline was never going to make any sense after 4.03, and I just let it go. I guess that made it easier for me not to expect answers for anything, but I won't say these things had no bearing on my disappointment.
--Oh, and then, the Lisa haters. If they hadn’t even shown her in the epi, but only had Sam mention her in his irksome ‘go live for me’ speech, the Lisa haters would probably still have hated this by default. All they wanted was for her to go away, and she did not.
Floating Like A Cannonball or How I was Destined to Hate this Episode
So, I get why people love it, and I get why people hate it, and I haven't even touched on the ending yet.
I see how some people can even call it perfect. God made his point. held his little test and got the result He was looking for. He loved Man most because the human spirit is by far the most awesome thing He has ever created. And I have to think it was part of His lesson that he didn't bring Sam back until after Dean tried to make good on his promise, because even as much as I loathe that Sam asked that of Dean, I think God wants Dean to find his own way, too. Hence, he pops Sam back into the picture at a moment when it appears that Dean is getting on just fine, and Sam is going to let him go.
And Dean had to be human to pass the test. He was set up from the beginning to be the Every Man, the best and worst in all of us, and he got to the end of the world and back without ever losing his humanity. Perfect.
Heck, I've even read the meta about how Dean's the woman and played a woman's role, which I don't think was supposed to be offensive, but as someone pointed out, pointing out that Dean was passive and had no active role in the finale and then pointing out that he's the woman doesn't exactly say good things about women, and it kind of, insultinigly implies that we're not allowed to be characters of action. But hey, the misogyny wank should put that in its pipe and smoke it. Our Every Man is actually Every Woman. Or... something.
Dean stayed human and helped the human part of Sam overtake Lucifer and save the world. And now, the work is done, apple pie life, here he comes.
So, my problem isn't that I had it all wrong. It's that I had it all right, but the victory seems so hollow. I honestly believe Dean does want the apple pie life. I don't know if Lisa and Ben can be that or not. Given all Dean's been through, I think he could make it work under any other circumstances, but not these. Y'know a few days ago, I was really torn up about Sam forcing that promise on Dean and completely heartbroken that Dean finally got his reward and couldn't actually 'receive' it, because there was no way he could ever get over Sam. I say it, therefore it is so. He's been strong his whole life; that would break him for good. He's like the angry spirit only in life instead of after death, left alone and with huge parts of himself torn out.
And now I see where my stupidity lies. I hate that it would've ended like this if we didn't have another season coming. And for those who say, it wouldn't have ended like this, they would've both died, I say F**K YOU, because that's even worse, and makes me think that might still be a possibility, like they just threw us a bone and aren't above yanking it away. Just... ugh, I don't think I can keep playing that game.
If you want to know what I honestly wanted from this episode, it was a way out. Not because I hate the show or fandom, but because five years is too long to be this emotionally invested in something that isn't real. I almost wish I was a newcomer to fandom and hadn't been here since the beginning, but as it is, I'm tired. I'm tired for myself, and I'm tired for Dean, and if I was a Samgirl, I suppose I'd be tired for him, too.
I guess I'm a little miffed that show didn't give me permission to leave. How can I when my boys are so screwed?
So, I guess I'm here, even if I found the finale a total letdown, and I haven't learned my lesson yet, because I still have hope that Dean will come into his own. I have even this teeny tiny shred of hope that Sam will be there for Dean, and maybe Dean won't become a rock star, but maybe we'll see more of the Dean who builds EMF detectors from walkmans and reads heavy lit off screen. Shut up, a girl can hope, and two days ago, I didn't even have that. I'm still not sure I should take a chance on being let down again, but who knows, maybe enough of us who didn't like what they did here will be able to make an impression by saying so. The worst that can happen is they hear us and say, "F**k you," which is pretty much what they already did, so... yeah.
And I suppose you want to know what I think about Sam standing there outside the window. I think it's really Sam, 100% human. The light shattered from the disturbance of God dropping him there, but like I said, there's a reason he showed up right there and then. I think, or maybe it's hope, that Sam will be purged of the demon blood altogether, no powers of any kind, and the boys will be on even kilter for the first time since the show started. If God could take Cas's mojo and give it back, then a little demon taint should be nothing. Beyond that, well, I know he's going to walk away without telling Dean he's alive. But that won't last. I don't care to speculate beyond that, but I know they won't stay estranged for long. I'll play wait and see from there.
--
I'm not sure any of that made sense. I wasn't trying to make a real point, just get everything out so it can stop festering and I can stop feeling like every happy, squee-filled Swan Song post isn't a direct affront to me. A girl with my family history shouldn't let her blood pressure be manipulated every time she logs on. :P
And while I still hate the episode and will probably never watch it again, I'm willing to hope that they build on their message about the power of the human spirit and give us the most awesome Every Man that has ever been, because Lord knows they have the perfect vessel in Dean. I'll give it a chance.
Most of you know I didn’t like Swan Song. The few of you who’ve tried to engage me in discussion about it have pretty much given up trying to convince me it wasn’t as bad as I seem to think it was. And the hate spawn are parading around their quick-witted phrases about how people like me brought on our own disappointment by being led astray and following the red herrings, and blah, blah, blah, all in all not 'getting' it, which, BTW, is so not true. I get it. I get it perfectly. I just don't like it.
But apparently, I cannot be reasoned with.
It’s ironic, too, because this episode didn’t turn out much different than the series ending I wrote myself way back in season 1. That story’s not online anywhere anymore, but it was my second fanfic ever, my first completed one, since the first was still a work in progress when I came home from work one night and jotted it all down in one sitting. In that one, Dean ended up with the wife and kids and Sam watched from the fringes but didn’t get to be a part of it, because that was the life he wanted for Dean and not all the stuff that Sam was tied to. The major difference between this ending and mine was that Sam wiped Dean’s memory, because somehow that Sam understood that Dean would never be happy in a life without Sam unless he didn’t remember Sam. And in that, Sam was just so damned proud of Dean that he got over not being able to be in his life. My favorite quote from that fic is, "He(Dean) was them. He was them... winning."
Okay, that’s probably unfair to Sam. Knowing what I know now, I doubt he’d be able to live without Dean any more than I believe Dean could live without him. But at the very least, I liked my ending better than the one where Sam asks Dean to shoot him in the head and then go on with his life, and Dean does. *rages silently*
Obviously, both those stories were written, and way back in season 1 and 2. Apparently, on some level, we’ve always known how it would end. (Okay, don’t hit me with the argument about how it’s not over, because that’s relative, and a point for later discussion.) I shouldn’t be surprised, then, right? I should be doing the dance of ‘Hahahaahahahaaaaa, I told you so,’ but I’m not. Maybe I’m just stupid. I do know one thing, though, I do not want to hate it. No way I’d want to feel this let down by something I’ve given five years of my life to. I’d like to see Show be redeemed for me, but so far, I’ve read a few metas about how awesome it is in an effort to see the light, and mostly, all I’ve gotten out of those is that I’m clearly too stupid to see how awesome it is, and not liking it is a wanky, bitchy way to wrap up five years.
Well, I don’t accept that not liking it is wanky, but maybe I am stupid. Maybe there’s something about me, in particular that makes me unable or unwilling to enjoy the show.
So, what is it about me? What am I doing wrong? Is it because I’m a bitch? I guess, that’s entirely possible. Say what you mean or shut up works best for me in most situations. As Cordelia Chase so eloquently pointed out, “Tact is just saying stuff that isn’t true..”-- or something like that, because I’m also lazy and don’t feel like finding the actual quote.
But surely bitchier, lazier people enjoyed this episode? So, I’m going to guess neither of those is my problem. Since I honestly don’t know why I can’t let it slide, I’ve been doing my research. Okay, so I’ve been lurking all over LJ. Same thing. I thought, maybe if I read enough reactions, I’d be able to pinpoint what exactly about it I hated or stumble across that one perfect statement that I completely agreed with or absolutely disagreed with that would make everything snap into focus.
I had no idea how much clutter two days worth of episode reactions and show meta could cram into my head. Lemme just say, it hurrrrts, but so far, no blinding light of revelation.
Running On Empty, or What Other People Hated, Also Known as Your Mileage May Vary
From reading reactions all over Livejournal (only LJ, because I don't go to any other sites anymore) I've got a pretty good idea about what didn't work for a lot of people, or at the very least, what didn't work for some people.
OMG! The Cheese!
It was cheesy as Hell. C’mon, it was really kind of over the top and all over the place with the emo and the badly timed humor and the gore and the power of love. It was one of those Cheese Nips commercials where the kids try to explain how so much cheesy goodness got into that one tiny cracker, only the cracker was 40 minutes worth of television. There was stargazing and hugging, yellow crayons, assbutts, and splodey angels o’ doom. It was really kinda... bad.
But, I don’t hate the cheese. I love cheese. I am the queen of cheese. Okay, after watching that, I relinquish my crown. I’ve had betas shame me into deleting whole stories just by using the word ‘cheesy’ in a comment box. In my opinion, cheese is an art form in and of itself. I’d much rather read or watch a story that doesn’t take itself too seriously and still manages to make a statement that sticks with you long after the end.
Show has always been cheesy and tongue in cheeky, and quick to yank the metaphorical pursqueeter. Some people stuck around despite that. Some, like me, actually thought that was one of the highlights. (Haha, in my original ending, Dean not only got the wife and kids, but he was a rock star, too, and Sam went to his shows every chance he got. The cheese is strong in this one.) In my opinion, it's only bad if the cheese is intended to be taken seriously. I'm a little up in the air as to how seriously we were supposed to take this episode. Probably I've ended up taking it way more seriously than was intended, and if so, yes, that IS on me.
While I agree that, in this case, it might’ve been a bit over the top and effectively watered down the impact, I didn’t hate the cheese. I probably should, because yeah, after five years, I was ready to try it neat instead of watered down, but I had no expectations of getting that. So, no, the cheese did not disappoint me. Go Team Cheese!
Lack of Michael!Dean
I know a lot of people were disappointed we didn’t get to see Michael!Dean. I’m not. I have been running my mouth since season one, going on and on to anyone who would listen that the hero has to be human. Unless you’re angel, in which case, the hero has to be an angel. The point is, a hero is a character who you can relate to well enough to be inspired to find the hero in yourself. Superman is awesome, but I will never be able to leap tall buildings, and if I jump in front of a speeding bullet, I will probably die. I’m more likely to take a bullet for someone else if I believe there’s someone out there who’d take one for me. (Wow, tangent much? LOL.)
My point is, I’ve been saying the hero has to be human, and, if we had gotten Michael!Dean, then Dean’s humanity would’ve been downplayed. As badass as I think it would’ve been to see, that particular scenario was never anything I wanted on the show. So, I’m not disappointed Dean never said yes. I can see how some people might've been.
Dean didn't DO anything
In the end, Dean was beaten to a pulp, couldn't defend himself, didn't even try, he was just there.
So, I never wanted him to be Michael, that doesn’t mean I’m not disappointed in the Vessel/Righteous Man/Servant of Heaven arc as a whole. I may never have wanted or believed that Dean would be Michael's vessel, but that doesn't mean I wanted him to do nothing. *cues up the cries of "Stupid bitch! Loving Sam isn't NOTHING!"* Okay, I concede, it isn't nothing, but it is nothing new. As I said in one of my earlier posts, being there for Sam is noble, I guess, but he's always been there. I will also concede that the context has change. At that point, Sam's pretty much everything Dean's learned to fear and hate and fight against, but still he stays. Noble, yes. Heroic even, but I'll just come out and say it, not good enough. Not for the final episode of what was intended to be the final season. I've heard people say that Dean's major action was turning down Michael. Fine, then, why did that happen several episodes ago? Would it have made Sam look bad if it came down to the last episode and Dean fought of Michael and Sam said yes?
And the argument is that Dean broke through and allowed Sam to win over Lucifer. But he didn't. He would've killed Dean if he hadn't spotted the army man. Sure, the army man is a symbol, but why did they need a symbol when Dean was right there? I love the Impala and I love the backstory we got for it in this episode, but in the end, it watered down the effect rather than adding to it. That's my opinion. If the episode had to focus around Sam's redemption, then why did Dean have to share his one role with the car? They even started the episode with the car and implied it was the most important object ever.
So, yeah, I get why people feel like Dean didn't have enough to do. I'm inclined to agree. Call me crazy. Call me butthurt. The point is, all I ever wanted from the finale was for the boys to stand against the apocalypse together as equals, and this was so far from that.
The Acting
Heh. Not touching that with a ten foot pole.
Chuck is God
Yes, I do think that's what was implied, and no, I'm not sure I like it, but I didn't hate it. FWIW, I don't think he was God until the beginning of Season 5, after the encounter with Raphael. Before that, he was clearly troubled by his visions and wanted to warn Sam about the final seal. All in all, I find it a little eye rolly that Chuck and therefore Kripke is God, and his final narration irked me more than a little, but I didn't hate that. If God had to be someone we knew, then Chuck works for me.
I Knew It!
Here’s a point I’m divided on. I guess it depends how you look at it. I’ve seen two schools of reaction directly related to having figured out how it would end. The one school is doing the OMG, I motherf**king TOLD YOU SO dance of ‘Man, that was perfect.’ And the other is stuck at, ‘Really? Five years and you didn’t have any surprises up your sleeve?’
Let’s face it, the only part of the equation we were missing, the ony thing that hadn’t been laid out on the table for us since day one, was the little army man in the ashtray. Somehow, it’s always been glaringly obvious that Dean’s heroism is being human and being there for Sam, and that his reward for that heroism would be the life he never had... or death. (Death is not a reward IMHO, so I'm not even going to address people who thought that would work as an ending, because it makes me RAGE, and you wouldn't like me when I'm RAGEY.) Likewise, it’s always been obvious that Sam’s tied to evil on a level which he can never escape (of course by means not of his doing). I guess, you either love that you saw the writing on the wall, or like me, you sat watching the episode, mentally ticking off all the stuff you knew was going to happen but had really hoped wouldn’t, and came back out feeling cheated because you weren't surprised even once, and the very ending you'd been dreading but hoping and praying you'd never have to watch actually came to fruition. I've heard it said that people like me brought on our own angst. If we knew what was going to happen, why did we hope for something different? I think it's called Faith. Either that or obsession. Either way, I suppose I was screwed from the get go.
If I, and half a dozen or more other unpaid, unschooled, unknown fanfic writers could pick out the basic gyst of the ending all the way back in season 1,then why did we have to suffer through the mind numbing angst for five years,(not to mention the unending wank and aneurysm bursting) and why did we give ourselves permission to hope we could still be pleasantly surprised? Yes, I know. We do it for the pretty boys. All the more reason, I guess, to not realize there was nothing deeper waiting to be revealed.
I guess, the fact that it was so predictable is supposed to mean it was perfect and well-executed, a road laid out and paved with care over time. Hell, I’m even willing concede it might have been the only way it could’ve ended other than with both of them dead.
I see you. I see you on the other side of that monitor shaking your head and rolling your eyes and going, “Then what the f**k do you want?!!!”
I don’t know. That’s what this is about, remember? If I must suffer the WTFery, then so must you. I’m not only a bitch, but I’m also evil. Suck it.
Now, where were we? Oh yeah, WTF do I want? Since I don’t know, just yet, other than for people to read the fic I post, dammit all to hell, I find it helpful to examine what other people wanted from the episode and how that affected their enjoyment. These are taken primarily from lurking on the anonmeme and reading publicly posted episode reactions, so involve sweeping generalizations that I don’t necessarily agree with, but sometimes found too amusing not to look past.
You Can’t Always Get What You Want, Or How Enjoyment is Affected by Character/Ship loyalty.
Love it by Default
These are the fans who are pretty much willing to overlook all the reasons to hate on the episode, even if they agree with them, because they got the thing they wanted most out of it.
--Samgirls wanted Sam to save the world. They wanted him to be redeemed for everything he did in season four. Most of them really love the superpowers storyline, so they’re willing to overlook the gallons of demon blood and the fact that there were probably human vessels for the demons that were bled dry just like that nurse from 4.22. Oh, and the fact that Luci totally set them up. It was still Sam’s choice. That’s what free will is all about. I agree, at least, on that front.
--Dean/Sam shippers wanted the brotherly love to trump all evil. They’re willing to overlook the fact that it was really Sam’s army man that trumped evil, because hey, it’s a symbol for f**k’s sake, and anyone who takes that literally does not get the point or see the artful craftsmanship. Also, since there have been several threads of heated discussion on the anonmeme pertaining to it, I gather that Dean/Sam shippers also had a burning desire to trump the Dean/Castiel ship. So, Dean not sobbing brokenly when Cas blew to smithereens, and Cas not offering Dean any condolences, other than to tell him he got exactly what he asked for, before disappearing into the night, pretty much erased any criticism they had for the episode with one twinkle of Samifer’s eye.
--Cas girls who didn’t really ship Dean/Cas mostly seemed to just want for Cas not to end up dead. Hating on the episode would just be inviting someone to revoke his pardon. If there’s one thing we’ve all learned from watching the show, it’s not to tempt fate.
--Likewise, Deangirls who just wanted for Dean not to die.
And those people who think the only good fans never have anything but squee.
Hated it By Default
--First on the list of those who hated it by default, again a sweeping generalization taken from various discussion threads, many of them anonymous, Samgirls who wanted Sam to either die for good or stay in Hell long enough to trump Dean’s forty years. The jury’s still kind of out on the last bit, but it looked to me like the great and powerful Chuck beamed Sammy outta that hole before any substantial time had passed. I have to say, while I don't get the whole, Sam's sacrifice has to trump Dean's in terms of the amount of suffering he has to bear (what a f**ked up method of keep score) I do think I'd be disappointed in this ending even if I was a Sam girl. Show has always trivialized death to some extent. But in this episode, where it was supposed to be Sam's big final sacrifice, the ultimate of ultimates, he was preceded in death by Castiel and Bobby, who both bit it in fairly lolarious, Saturday morning cartoon fashion. Sam wasn't dead more than a few minutes when they both got un-asploded, leaving fairly little doubt that Sam would pop out of his box fairly shortly as well.
This whole scenario kind of reminds me of Season Five Angel where Spike had just become corporeal again after going out in a blaze of glory in the Buffy finale. He planned this vacation to go and see Buffy and find out if the home fires were still burning, but ended up not talking to her because standing there, pretty much unscathed, would somehow cheapen his sacrifice. He wanted her to remember him being heroic, not floundering around trying to be a bad guy with a good old soul. I dunno if I agree with that. It’s not like he asked to be brought back, and it shouldn’t reflect on the choice he made to sacrifice himself in the first place, but I can see how he maybe thought they had the perfect ending and didn’t want to spoil it with a bad epilogue. Of course, I don’t believe tragic endings are ever perfect. I’ll take a bad epilogue any day, thank you very much.
--Hardcore Dean/Castiel shippers also seem to dislike the episode by default. Hmmm, this is definitely a generalization, because it’s hard to draw the line between hardcore shippers and casual shippers. Personally, I liked Dean/Sam and Dean/Castiel and I know there are others in the same boat who never really got the shipwar since it was all about pretty boys in love, right? But I get the sense that people who were in fandom specifically for Dean/Castiel hated this episode by default, primarily for the reasons I listed above as to how the Dean and Castiel interaction played out and not so much because the brother love saved the world. Even the hardcore shippers had to know that was coming, but I have heard rumblings that the episode made it seem like Dean and Cas were barely even friends. I only watched it the once, such is my loathing, but I can see where that interpretation might be valid.
--Then, there are the Deangirls who wanted Dean to do something he hasn’t already done in a hundred other episodes. Horse is dead; stop beating it. Never gonna convince those who don't want to be convinced. While I definitely have strong leanings toward this school, I don't think that's the only reason I didn't like the show.
--Deangirls who wanted Michael!Dean. I guess my earlier statement about it being obvious that Dean’s heroism was his humanity was false in that some people didn’t find it so obvious. I see that was an erroneous statement, and I apologize if it sounded pretentious or pushed some of your buttons. I should’ve said, it was obvious to me, but I’m the ‘hero must be human’ gal, so, of course, it was obvious to me. Hell, a few episodes ago when Dean was all ready to say yes to Michael, I was even willing to accept that as his only option, so I can see how people might’ve expected that to happen or even wanted it.
--Anyone who expected there to be actual apocalypse in their apocalypse. I get that. I’ve never really cared about the apocalypse storyline, just about how it affected the guys, but I know if I had cared about that, this would’ve probably gone down as the worst apocalypse ever. Someone mentioned newscasts talking about earthquakes and storms and how they were actually scenes from a bad B-movie rehashed to portray our apocalypse. I have to admit, I don’t even remember seeing those, so I’m taking her word that they were even there. So, yeah, apocalypse fail definitely transpired here.
--People who wanted to know WTF Azazel's plan actually was, why he needed to make the deal with Mary when Sam and Dean were apparently destined by blood, and how finding that out was supposed to help Dean 'stop it.' Anyone who wanted the Righteous Man story arc to finally mean something. Anyone who wanted clarification on why Dean was able to kill the Babylonian False Prophet (yeah, I know that's not her name). In short, anyone who actually believed there was a plan to the plan. I guess, to a degree, I fit in here, too, because there are a few things I'd pretty much demand an explanation for if I had the chance, but for the most part, I realized the Azazel/Special Kids storyline was never going to make any sense after 4.03, and I just let it go. I guess that made it easier for me not to expect answers for anything, but I won't say these things had no bearing on my disappointment.
--Oh, and then, the Lisa haters. If they hadn’t even shown her in the epi, but only had Sam mention her in his irksome ‘go live for me’ speech, the Lisa haters would probably still have hated this by default. All they wanted was for her to go away, and she did not.
Floating Like A Cannonball or How I was Destined to Hate this Episode
So, I get why people love it, and I get why people hate it, and I haven't even touched on the ending yet.
I see how some people can even call it perfect. God made his point. held his little test and got the result He was looking for. He loved Man most because the human spirit is by far the most awesome thing He has ever created. And I have to think it was part of His lesson that he didn't bring Sam back until after Dean tried to make good on his promise, because even as much as I loathe that Sam asked that of Dean, I think God wants Dean to find his own way, too. Hence, he pops Sam back into the picture at a moment when it appears that Dean is getting on just fine, and Sam is going to let him go.
And Dean had to be human to pass the test. He was set up from the beginning to be the Every Man, the best and worst in all of us, and he got to the end of the world and back without ever losing his humanity. Perfect.
Heck, I've even read the meta about how Dean's the woman and played a woman's role, which I don't think was supposed to be offensive, but as someone pointed out, pointing out that Dean was passive and had no active role in the finale and then pointing out that he's the woman doesn't exactly say good things about women, and it kind of, insultinigly implies that we're not allowed to be characters of action. But hey, the misogyny wank should put that in its pipe and smoke it. Our Every Man is actually Every Woman. Or... something.
Dean stayed human and helped the human part of Sam overtake Lucifer and save the world. And now, the work is done, apple pie life, here he comes.
So, my problem isn't that I had it all wrong. It's that I had it all right, but the victory seems so hollow. I honestly believe Dean does want the apple pie life. I don't know if Lisa and Ben can be that or not. Given all Dean's been through, I think he could make it work under any other circumstances, but not these. Y'know a few days ago, I was really torn up about Sam forcing that promise on Dean and completely heartbroken that Dean finally got his reward and couldn't actually 'receive' it, because there was no way he could ever get over Sam. I say it, therefore it is so. He's been strong his whole life; that would break him for good. He's like the angry spirit only in life instead of after death, left alone and with huge parts of himself torn out.
And now I see where my stupidity lies. I hate that it would've ended like this if we didn't have another season coming. And for those who say, it wouldn't have ended like this, they would've both died, I say F**K YOU, because that's even worse, and makes me think that might still be a possibility, like they just threw us a bone and aren't above yanking it away. Just... ugh, I don't think I can keep playing that game.
If you want to know what I honestly wanted from this episode, it was a way out. Not because I hate the show or fandom, but because five years is too long to be this emotionally invested in something that isn't real. I almost wish I was a newcomer to fandom and hadn't been here since the beginning, but as it is, I'm tired. I'm tired for myself, and I'm tired for Dean, and if I was a Samgirl, I suppose I'd be tired for him, too.
I guess I'm a little miffed that show didn't give me permission to leave. How can I when my boys are so screwed?
So, I guess I'm here, even if I found the finale a total letdown, and I haven't learned my lesson yet, because I still have hope that Dean will come into his own. I have even this teeny tiny shred of hope that Sam will be there for Dean, and maybe Dean won't become a rock star, but maybe we'll see more of the Dean who builds EMF detectors from walkmans and reads heavy lit off screen. Shut up, a girl can hope, and two days ago, I didn't even have that. I'm still not sure I should take a chance on being let down again, but who knows, maybe enough of us who didn't like what they did here will be able to make an impression by saying so. The worst that can happen is they hear us and say, "F**k you," which is pretty much what they already did, so... yeah.
And I suppose you want to know what I think about Sam standing there outside the window. I think it's really Sam, 100% human. The light shattered from the disturbance of God dropping him there, but like I said, there's a reason he showed up right there and then. I think, or maybe it's hope, that Sam will be purged of the demon blood altogether, no powers of any kind, and the boys will be on even kilter for the first time since the show started. If God could take Cas's mojo and give it back, then a little demon taint should be nothing. Beyond that, well, I know he's going to walk away without telling Dean he's alive. But that won't last. I don't care to speculate beyond that, but I know they won't stay estranged for long. I'll play wait and see from there.
--
I'm not sure any of that made sense. I wasn't trying to make a real point, just get everything out so it can stop festering and I can stop feeling like every happy, squee-filled Swan Song post isn't a direct affront to me. A girl with my family history shouldn't let her blood pressure be manipulated every time she logs on. :P
And while I still hate the episode and will probably never watch it again, I'm willing to hope that they build on their message about the power of the human spirit and give us the most awesome Every Man that has ever been, because Lord knows they have the perfect vessel in Dean. I'll give it a chance.
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no subject
Date: 2010-05-19 12:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-19 02:04 am (UTC)I'm not sure what you're referring to with regard to the episode with the angry hunters though.
no subject
Date: 2010-05-19 02:17 am (UTC)As far as the angry hunters one, it was...
Um, the one where they killed them and it was established that they would always come back. (Which makes Dean human how exactly? Unless you believe in reincarnation, which I actually did for a long time but this doesn't really count...) In the beginning Dean was like sleeping and they came in with guns and killed them and possibly that was when they went to heaven?
no subject
Date: 2010-05-19 04:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-19 02:09 pm (UTC)And I guess that's why I'm meh about the whole thing too. There were so many plot threads and we got "The Impala is the most important object in all the world." ...
Yeah....
Not that I could have done better, not anymore....
no subject
Date: 2010-05-19 02:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-19 03:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-07-12 12:24 am (UTC)A lot of my friends gushed over the episode like it was the best thing since chocolate while, initially, I was extremely upset and disappointed by the episode. After a little time and a re-watch with a more open mind, I somehow managed to come to terms with it. I won't say I love it or that I wish it had been different in many respects, but at least I have moved to the point that I can watch it and enjoy it--something I didn't think I'd ever be able to say. I don't know why I was able to have the change of heart when so many others didn't/can't...but I do know that I still agree with many of the points you've made for not liking it and I don't think anyone who can't bear to watch it again is either stupid or wanky. Not that what I think is really relevant, but there you go. It is what it is and people should be allowed their feelings on it without so much controversy.
Personally, I've given up hope that I'll ever get what I want for Dean (particularly now that Sera is running the show), but I still somehow manage to find reasons to keep loving and watching the show. I guess I'm just that addicted to it (or maybe to Dean and Jensen, I'm not entirely sure on that one). So, anyway, I just felt compelled to comment and say that I completely agree that the potential of Dean to be the most awesome Every Man ever is spot on. To me, he already is, but it sure would be nice to know without a doubt that the writers think so too. I sure hope so, otherwise, where have they been all this time?
no subject
Date: 2010-07-17 02:11 pm (UTC)Fandom is just a hostile place for me at the moment. I don't go anywhere in it and not get PO'd about something, and I've not only lost any hope that the next season will redeem this one, but I don't have any desire to revisit any of the stories I've written in this universe. I just don't want to think about it at all. Unfortunately, before Swan Song aired, I signed up for spn_summergen, and now I must churn out a fic for some unsuspecting prompter who will undoubtedly feel that it's uninspired and not very good, and I'll have to agree.
But I'll agree with you on the addiction to Jensen and Dean. No matter how angry fandom makes me or how disappointed I am with the show, I have no doubt that I will keep tuning in, because how else will I get my fix? I just hate that I have to bite my fist to keep from saying what I really think or feel because that might harsh someone's squee. People are entitled to like it if they do without people telling them that they're stupid for not seeing the obvious flaws, just like, I suppose, I'm entitled to see the flaws and expect better based on potential. Y'know, I keep thinking about this English teacher I had in High School. She brought me to tears every single time I handed in a paper. She never gave me an 'A'. Never. And I had proofread most of the other papers in the class, because people knew I was good at English, so I knew my papers were at least as good as theirs, yet they got A's, and I didn't. You have to realize that I was a straight A student. Anything less was just not acceptable, and I felt personally persecuted every time I got a paper back from her, to the point that English started out as my favorite class and became the one I dreaded going to every day.
At the end of the semester, she did something unorthodox, and asked us all to write papers arguing for the grade we thought we deserved in the class. What I ended up writing was probably the one paper I wrote that year that deserved less than an 'A' because it wasn't an argument at all, just a giant emo venting on my part, in which I pretty much told her flat out that I felt she graded me unfairly when I knew I was just as good as the rest of the class.
And you know what she did? She replied back that she did grade me differently, that what I turned in was on par with the rest of the class, but she expected more from me, because I had more potential. Basically, she said, if anyone else was turning in the papers I turned in, they'd get A's, but she knew they weren't my best effort and graded them as such. I suppose what I should've done was taken that to the school board or something, because it really is unfair, but instead, I got stupidly flattered and tried a lot harder after that.
Now, I find I'm doing SPN the same way. I see it for what it could be and not what it is, and that's ruining it for me. Which I suppose, is my own fault, and I have no misconceptions that me venting my criticisms about it will somehow cause the writers to see the potential and strive for it, so it is just a waste of my time and it does harsh the squee of others.
I just can't help it. Which is why, I get extremely emotional every time it's brought up, to the point where I actually hate it at times, and poor Sam at least 90% of the time. So, yeah, I've pretty much purged my journal of fandom, moved all my old entries over here, and just left the fic open over there. I'm still following my friends and a few comms on my flist, but it's not a discussion I choose to engage in anymore.
All that being said, I'm kinda tickled you found this over here, since I never update and didn't use my LJ or ff.net name. Also, I'm a little embarrassed, because I'm fairly certain that when I transferred the entries over here, they all showed up as public, and I've never bothered to lock the things that should be locked. I figured no one would ever read it. LOL. And I know I have stories over here that have been sold, so I should have them locked. *gets right on that*
Sorry, sorry, sorry for talking your ear off. I hope I didn't come off as a stark raving bitch. :P