Wherein I'm a horrible fangirl and a terrible friend...

[ht_murray]

Dudes, I suck so hard. I just realized it's nearly two weeks now since my race, and I haven't replied to all your lovely supportive comments about it nor to the thoughtful comments on my m/m fiction meta, and if I'm really honest, I don't know when I'm going to get around to that. I also haven't watched last week's SPN nor this week's Glee.

I don't know if y'all have noticed that I'm stupidly busy these days, and work has been exhausting with the futility of it. I know some people hate when people post and then don't reply to comments until well after the conversation is over. I hate that, too! But here's how it is. I usually write these posts in my head while I'm, a)running, b)cooking, c)doing house or yard work, d) at work. And then I jot them down and post them. My first years on LJ I was so much better at being a good LJ friend, and I just now realize it's because I was in such a terrible place in my RL that I spent all my time on LJ. Now that I'm not wallowing in depression and self-loathing, I'm actually doing all the real life stuff that I kept pushing aside before. I really hate that that means less time to reply to y'all, because you have been there in the bad times and you deserve to know I appreciate you still now that things are better.

So, consider this an apology but realize also that I just don't know where the time to reply is going to come from.

Also, some of you have been so sweet in sending me the v-gifts. So, heather03nmg, sams1ra, vanae and, jane_eyre I have not forgotten you or chosen to ignore you. Nor chocca2 either. (oops) I actually have been pouncing on those LJ news posts hoping that I could see the free v-gifts first and send them to you all before you had the chance to send them to me. LOL. But the last one... with Frank and the recycling bin??? Erm, no. I'm holding out for kittens or something. But thank you for thinking of me. My profile page loves the shiny, but not as much as I lurve you guys.

Not much to report other than running my ass off, hard at work editing Nightblindness, and rewriting something to submit as a Sip. I had some awesome Michael/Dean inspirations I was planning to write given my recent fallout with Dean/Castiel which doesn't look like it's going to get fixed, but there just isn't time. And I know that I need to update Digging Deep and Under the Rug. Not making any promises about when that will be, but no, they're not abandoned. If you have suggestions about either one of those stories, I'd love to hear them, because while I know the overall arc of the stories, I don't actually know what happens NEXT, which is the big stumbling block. I tend to just let stories simmer until the perfect scene presents itself, and that isn't happening. Sigh.

Finally, thanks to pd_singer who pointed out that Go Fish is apparently on a couple of bestseller lists at Fictionwise. I never would've known. Haha, I'm so out of the loop. *bangs head* Good friends... I have them.

*smooshes vicariously through LJ interface*

Comments

[sexytexanjra.livejournal.com]

As weird as it sounds I am so glad that RL has captured you, only because it means you are in a better place emotionally. You were so kind to me when I was a newbie to this fandom and have entertained and provoke much deep thought in me that I could never be anything but happy about you getting to the other side of depression.

Even if you don't get to reply I always enjoy reading and responding to your thought provoking posts.

Run on my dear and live it to the fullest. :D

*Hugs*

[chemm80]

Hey, hon. I know I haven't been around much lately--having some of that same real life not sucking so much thing that you're talking about here, myself, to the point that I don't keep up with my flist like I used to *gasps*--but I do still care about you and how you're doing, and I'm always glad to hear from you, whether you have good stuff going on (writing-wise, running-wise, etc) or whether you're venting the bad.

As for belated replies, they really don't bother me one way or the other. I've gotten to the point that once I leave a comment, whether it's on a RL post or fic, I let it go. I hit that "post comment" button and I don't think about it again unless or until someone responds, except occasionally to wonder how so-and-so might be doing. Then when I do get a reply, it's sort of like a nice little gift, like getting a card in the mail or something.

I'm the same way when someone comments on older fic. I've seen people say that they don't answer comments past a certain point because they're no longer in the headspace they were in when they wrote it and they have no idea how to answer the comment, but for me it's like catching up with an old friend. Sort of an, "oh yeah, I'd forgotten about this" kind of moment. Nostalgic.

But I digress. What I meant to say was, "Hey! Hai! Look at you! You're still awesome!" :D

[unplugged32.livejournal.com]

It's fantastic that you're too busy for LJ!! I mean, I miss you of course, but the fact that what's keeping you busy is such a healthy pastime, well, I guess I'll have to forgive you:)

{{squishes}}

[starry-ice.livejournal.com]

Aww, no worries about delayed replies. I'm glad things are better in your RL. That's the best reason for lack of LJ time :)

[sams1ra.livejournal.com]

I don't have much to say. Just... Glad you're in a better place RL-wise.
*smishes*

[ysbail.livejournal.com]

You know what, I know you're busy and you know what I feel about that? Envious. You've got something wonderful that you're working towards and... what can I say other than - I miss you - I love you - take care - and I'll be here whenever you've got time to put in an appearance.

♥

[angels3.livejournal.com]

That's awesome news, congratulations!

I hope things slow down for you soon. :)

[vanae.livejournal.com]

Nah, you're pretty awesomesauce ;) I love talking to you and to read about your thoughts, achievements and your random musings... replies or no replies. I'm here for the ups and downs all the same, and I'm glad that you've got so much good stuff going on in RL and that you're in a better place mentally. You being happy makes your friends happy. Tru fact. As for comments and replies, well, it has never bothered me when people don't turn back. Sometimes there's nothing more to say and sometimes there's nothing you feel like saying. Other times, you're just busy and life goes on. The only thing to ever really bother me about comments is when someone responds to everyone but me.

Also, congrats on Go Fish climbing the Fictionwise bestseller lists!

[pd-singer.livejournal.com]

What vanae said -- your happiness spreads through your friends.

[layne67.livejournal.com]

I had some awesome Michael/Dean inspirations I was planning to write

Oh yes please please please!!!!

I don't ship Castiel/Dean mainly because Castiel was an angel, not because I don't like him, or Dean-Castiel, but I've been hankering for some Dean/Michael and how weird is that? :)

[chocca2.livejournal.com]

Healthy busy is good busy. *nods*

*megasmish*