How did I miss that?

[ht_murray]

I seem to have slept through an entire day. I haven't been this tired since... well, that's a time I don't want to revisit. Let's just hope it's work stress and post finale let down.

Seriously, though, it's Tuesday? Bleh.

I came home from work yesterday morning after putting the entire production from the previous shift on hold the night before, because I'm fairly positive the auditor on that shift is just fudging data to get it into the computer. Then, I sweat little drops of blood trying to come to grips with my 5.22 disappointment by writing meta that I'm pretty sure ended up on a positive note of sorts, and then I just died.

Got up five hours later and checked my email, which was a waste. I guess I should learn to sit down and shut up when my opinion's in the minority.

It was 90+ degrees and steamy, so we went to eat at Golden Corral, since Dan was home all day but forgot to cook, LOL (he got suspended for 2 days for being a smartass, that's my bb) and by the time we got home, it was thundering and lightning, so I decided to take a little nap and hope it blew over so I could go for my run. About 1 a.m. I woke up, checked my email again,(I should've stuck to posting with comments turned off *facepalm*) and that's all I remember. :P

I have to say, I'm not really liking this state of mind I'm in. Even the pics of Jensen and Danneel looking so stunning and happy only cheer me up while I have the window open, and even my running endorphins aren't helping.

But today's long run day, 1hr 55 minutes, probably slow, so I'm not expecting to hit 10 miles again, since I'm dragging my ass like whoa, but I'm hoping that does the trick. If it doesn't, I'm gonna mainline Givesmehope.com and see if crying and rocking doesn't do the trick. LOL.

So, do y'all do when you just can't get a grip and you're outstaying your welcome? Sleep until the crisis passes? Cry and scream and throw things? Crawl under a rock and die?

Oh, and despite having not run since Friday (scheduled off days combined with bad weather) my legs cramp up constantly. I haven't had leg cramps in all the months I've been running, but in the last four days, my calves cramp while I'm sleeping and my thighs cramp when I'm awake, and nothing seems to help. I swear, if I could cut them off, I would.

This also reminds me of story fodder that's been floating round in my head for eons. I saw somewhere how people cause explosions while fueling their cars by talking on their cellphones and walking around until they build up a static charge, and then accidentally igniting the gas fumes. I've always had that image in my head, started a few screenplays based on the premise, but now it's suddenly gone from 'some random dude blows up' to Dean Winchester blows up. I do not need SPN fic fodder, especially when I have no idea what happens after kablooey.

/end pointless post of whining and groveling.

ETA: I signed up for spn_summergen, and all I can do is read the other prompts and pray to God I don't get most of them, because I dont know how I'll ever write some of those stories. I don't even know if I can be bothered to write my own prompts at this point. Way to angst over stuff that hasn't even happened yet. *bangs head*

Comments

[gatorgrrrl.livejournal.com]

So, do y'all do when you just can't get a grip

I'm a temper/frustration flares bright hot then dies kind of person. After the initial blow-up, I usually feel better. I don't have very many things that feel satisfying to throw and I'm not really a crier. So...white-hot anger is pretty cathartic for me.

Good luck with summergen!

[tru-faith-lost.livejournal.com]

LOL. Not really a good option since people in my family has a knack for dropping over dead from strokes/aneurysms/heart attacks, before they hit 40. LOL.

[unplugged32.livejournal.com]

Basically, when I felt really horrible I would eat. That's why I am now dieting;) You should try those meditation cds, so many of my friends think they are amazing. Me? I just don't have the time to destress;)

[tru-faith-lost.livejournal.com]

Apparently this is the kind of funk which makes me nauseous, so I can't even eat. Which might explain why I'm so tired and crampy. LOL. Besides, hubby did the grocery shopping this weekend and forgot just about everything I eat. :P

[munibunny.livejournal.com]

Was curious about spn_summergen. Gen comms usually define gen fic as "not slash" but this one doesn't. Interesting. And very cool. Good luck with the fic!

[tru-faith-lost.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I don't know. I think it's just anything with no pairings for that comm. I have plenty of story ideas that don't involve pairings, I just usually take offense to people taking offense to the pairings, LOL. I'm a dork that way.

[vanae.livejournal.com]

I have a hard time letting go of the finale too. Don’t know, I think that I feel like it was sort of the end of an era for me. The end of the Supernatural that I fell in love with and the start of something different. If that makes sense? Haven’t really gotten past it yet (and I’m far from being ready to face codas).

So, do y'all do when you just can't get a grip and you're outstaying your welcome? Sleep until the crisis passes? Cry and scream and throw things? Crawl under a rock and die?

I’m prone to self-loathing when I’m like that (hence, I’m going to start therapy) so I usually just cry a lot and eat peanut M&Ms. I tell myself to suck it up because I’ve got no business being whiny (which is kinda stupid because it’s being depressed and/or stressed out and it’s not something you can just shed). Then I put on a smiley face and go through the motions. I try to focus on the things that I can change to make myself feel better and if there’s nothing I can do then I make up mind to just stick it out the best way that I can. In the mean time, I think of what I can do for others when there’s nothing I can do for myself. And then, of course, I talk about it. Because it’s not stupid or weird be feeling irrationally down sometimes and many times it actually helps to just rant. If your friends love you then they want to hear it, too. Oh, and music help. When you can’t shake it? Shake it! Pump up the volume and dance around the house like a freaking nutcase. Do the silliest dance moves ranging from ballet to disco and when your favorite songs come on then sing along. This, this is what I do when it’s 3 in the morning and everything feels like fail.

And while we’re on the subject of happiness, how amazing are those pictures of wedding/newly wed Jensen? Seriously, he’s practically glowing from happiness and love. The way he smiles so openly and relaxed and just… d’aww. Makes me ridiculously fluttery inside. Also, the way Danneel looks at him (especially in those arriving at the upfront pics)? Girl adores him. The romantic and the Jensen fangirl in me are doing a happy dance together. With glittery sparkles and hearts falling down on them from the ceiling. Yes.

If you’re doing spn_summergen I’ll be sure to read it. Also, I totally dig you. Mwah! *blows kisses*

[vanae.livejournal.com]

Wow, okay. Here, have a novelette *facepalm*

[tru-faith-lost.livejournal.com]

LOL. I know what you mean about the pics of J/D. I too am just blown away with how she looks at him. That's like, everything I want for him is someone who looks at him like that and makes him feel like that. I don't get the hate, but people are stupid. LOL.

I would love to just sit and cry it out about show, but I must be dehydrated or something, because I just can't. And I'm too tired to dance. I turn on music, and I'm out like a light. I have all these story ideas and can't get up the energy to plan them past one or two scenes. Ugh, and I just ran 8 of the worst miles of my life. I haven't had a run that bad since I was coming down with the Plague back in March.

Ah, well, I'm starting to think the best thing for me is to just stop hanging around harshing everyone else's squee. God, grant me the self-awareness to know when I'm being a fucking wet coat. Amen.

*smoosh*

[sams1ra.livejournal.com]

I do not need SPN fic fodder, especially when I have no idea what happens after kablooey.
Lol. I get that. Tell me if you find a cure, mmk?

Also, re: ETA - I do that same thing, go over the prompts. Guh. I think I'm gonna chicken out and not do it. Maybe it's time to leave the SPN fandom, idk. *shrugs*

[tru-faith-lost.livejournal.com]

LOL. Yeah, the fic prompts scare the bejeezus out of me, mostly because I go, "Why would you want to read THAT?" Ugh. Or the refer to something I have no clue about.

I'm with you on leaving, but then I think, where will I get my Jensen/Danneel fix? LOL. And also, I don't want to give anyone the satisfaction. But lately I feel like I'm making things less enjoyable by hanging around, so maybe it is time to go.

[sams1ra.livejournal.com]

I am going to miss my Dean dose...
But for me, it just feels... finished. I know you really didn't like the ending, but I'm cool with it.
If only there was another Dean to obsess over... ^__~

[captcrashsc.livejournal.com]

I used to just ignore things or play the clown to make other people laugh/ feel better. But that's who I wound up with a counselor and the ever constant probability that I may be put on anti-depressants because that method of coping just doesn't cut it anymore.

Lately I've been playing in my Riches!verse to get away from all the other shit. Or hanging out with one of my best buds and her daughter cause Katelyn is always good for a laugh. And then I've been so busy with all the stuff for the Legion that I just don't get a chance to dwell on bad stuff.

I probably haven't been very helpful, huh?

*hugs* ♥

[starry-ice.livejournal.com]

Aww I'm sorry you're still in a rough state. I'm blessed with selective short term memory loss so I usually get over stuff pretty quickly. That and life is too hectic for me to dwell. The work insanity distracts from all.

LOL I had the most challenging time coming up with fic prompts. I really just wanted an art prompt to play with. Having to come up with 3 prompts in return was brutal, so mine probably suck. Hahaa sorry in advance to the unfortunate assigned author...

[fufaraw]

Um. I clean? I scrub floors and toilets and change and make beds and clean the corners of the walls and ceiling and the ceiling fan blades and take down the light fixture globes and wash them and put them back up and dust and sort cds and dvds and wash all the mirrors in the house and windex all the glass on the framed art and photos. I've been known to do windows. If I haven't exhausted my mood I'll rearrange furniture, and start redecorating the porch or digging in the herb beds.

Or, I'll huddle in the corner of the couch and go near-catatonic.

No middle ground with me.

I'm sorry you're in a backwash of emotion. I hope it sorts itself soon.