ht_murray: little girl, cheeks, blue rose (Default)
I'm all out of eggs and mostly broke, and I don't want to go buy any if I don't have to. But anyhow, does anyone know if you can use Egg Nog in pancake batter. LOL. It's mostly eggs and cream, right? Should work fine...

Anyone? LOL.
ht_murray: little girl, cheeks, blue rose (samheartdean)
It's Christmas Eve-eve here, about that time of year when I usually put up the link to my ages old Gen Christmas fic so you can all have get your Grinch removed by bigbrother!Dean, appendicitis!Sam, and a kitten while I facepalm at how terribly written that thing is. Well, not this year. I'm just too embarrassed by that story to post it one more time, but there will be nostalgia!fic at the end of this post for those of you who want to skip to the good stuff.

First, glad tidings.

I've been... okay, I'm not going to say I've been a terrible friend, because I've seen at least three of those posts on my list today, and all of them were from people who I would say definitely are NOT being bad friends. Whatever I have been, depressed, self-absorbed, disillusioned, or distracted, it's not oblivious. I have received v-gifts from [ profile] sams1ra, [ profile] unplugged32, [ profile] captcrashsc, [ profile] jane_eyre, [ profile] jellicle, and [ profile] ysbail that have all made me smile and decorated my profile page, which is so nekked these days. For whatever reason, maybe I was at work and just peeking online, or I had other people I needed to thank and didn't want to forget anyone, I haven't thanked you, any of you, enough. Thank you!

This week, the lovely [ profile] apieceofcake and [ profile] vanae each stuffed my mailbox with gorgeous cards and artwork. I now have something to put on my mantel, and the Jensen refrigerator magnets are going right over the one that says, "Heaven doesn't want me and Hell is afraid I'll take over." My friends, you are all awesome, amazing, talented, and generous. I don't ever know how to respond to that sort of kindness, except with a heartfelt thanks. Again, thank YOU!

I've been removed from fandom lately. I have lost the love and excitement. It hurts. I know it sounds a little drama queen-esque, but I haven't had this sinking feeling in my chest for a couple of years now. I thought I'd finally figured out how to rise above it, but it's back again, and stronger than ever. So, there's no inspiration for fic and no muse to squeeze it out of me, and if I'm honest, I'm not working very hard to get it back. Sometimes you have to just cut your losses and move on. But then, today, I got a response on a fic poll I posted way back in season 3. (ETA: After getting a second poll response, I checked storyfinders and discovered someone was searching for dyslexic Dean fic. LOL. I really should watch that comm.) Anyway, I went back and looked at the fic and the one I posted before it, and there was what I've been missing. There was my Sam and my Dean back when I didn't hate either one and really thought the best ending was just the two of them together forever. I don't feel that way anymore, but I think it can't hurt to revisit that feeling again, just for a day or so. It's Christmas, after all.

So, I'm pasting those fics in here, as much a Christmas present to myself as to anyone else who wants to re-read or read for the first time. Whether or not you read any farther than the cut, Merry Christmas, flist. We've made it another year. Here's hoping life brings us all what we seek, or at the very least, what we need to be happy, and because they're a part of our family, too, may Sam and Dean get their happy ending as well, whatever that may be.

Comfort and Joy

Summary: Sam taught Dean to read, three words at a time, with focus and conviction.  From Hell, Dean teaches Sam to listen the same way. Pre-series thru Season 3, AU where Sam saves Dean in more ways than one. Because I know that's what a lot of people wanted for Christmas that year. Gen fic. Rated PG. Less than 2000 words.

Dean Reads )

Summary: Sam saved Dean in this one, too, but not without consequences. Too short for a summary really, just a random ficlet about what Sam would do if he had all the power in the world. Sam/Dean established relationship. PG Less than 500 words.

Let There Be... )

Merry Christmas
ht_murray: little girl, cheeks, blue rose (Default)
I managed to write about 1300 words before I went to sleep at 7:00 this morning, woke up this afternoon about 4. I spent an hour wrestling the wild Winchester, which I haven't done in way too long. I'm on vacation, though, so I even bought a saddle that might actually fit His Gigantorness to motivate me to make time to get out there now that it's cooler. And then, squeezed in about 5 miles of hill running. Now, I just need to write something in the next 12 hours or so and see if I can't lather, rinse, repeat.
ht_murray: little girl, cheeks, blue rose (Default)
Damn you "Raising Hope" for being the best cutest damned show on t.v. and making me both homesick for my crazy effing family and enamored of babies. Way to mess with my world view, Fox.

That is all.
ht_murray: little girl, cheeks, blue rose (Default)
So, there was this movie, called, I think, The Seventh Sign, and it starred Demi Moore, and possibly Michael Biehn. It was about the seven signs of the Apocalypse. Demi Moore was a pregnant woman who was also, possibly, the reincarnation of someone who was present at the crucifixion, LOL.

The relevant part of the movie being that she was about to have a baby but the Hall of Souls was empty, which they knew because the sparrows were dying or something crazy like that.

Remember how that one ended? cut for information possibly related to SPN plot points that haven't actually aired yet, but not likely, since I just thought of this out of the blue, LOL, )
ht_murray: little girl, cheeks, blue rose (Default)
So, the burning questions of the day as I see them.

1)Am I the only one who didn't rush out to buy the season 5 box set today? (I haven't even bought season 4 yet.)
2)Which special bonuses are the most worthwhile?

3)How did Misha Collins run 50 miles without this happening?

4)And most importantly: Is this the source of the bloody bandaid, and how much would fans pay for these puppies?

ht_murray: little girl, cheeks, blue rose (Default)
Watching the Bones marathon on TNT, and this commercial came on. I can't be the first one to have seen it, but in case I'm not the last. LOL!

ht_murray: little girl, cheeks, blue rose (Default)
I just stumbled across a post by reading friends of friends lists in which someone talked about reading my 5.22 coda and about how beautiful and perfect it was but how she checked out and said, yeah, right at the end just because they were happy not living in the same room with each other any more.

Seriously, I like me a good wincest fic, but if you think they actually will never be able to live out of earshot of each other, that's just sad. Outside of universes where they really are the only two people in teh world, I think that's the saddest thing I've ever heard. There's no such thing as life in a bubble, people. Why would anyone want that for them?

And, ya know, yeah... I guess I really am a fuck up when it comes to SPN. Whatever.
ht_murray: little girl, cheeks, blue rose (Default)
I seem to have slept through an entire day. I haven't been this tired since... well, that's a time I don't want to revisit. Let's just hope it's work stress and post finale let down.

Seriously, though, it's Tuesday? Bleh.

I came home from work yesterday morning after putting the entire production from the previous shift on hold the night before, because I'm fairly positive the auditor on that shift is just fudging data to get it into the computer. Then, I sweat little drops of blood trying to come to grips with my 5.22 disappointment by writing meta that I'm pretty sure ended up on a positive note of sorts, and then I just died.

Got up five hours later and checked my email, which was a waste. I guess I should learn to sit down and shut up when my opinion's in the minority.

It was 90+ degrees and steamy, so we went to eat at Golden Corral, since Dan was home all day but forgot to cook, LOL (he got suspended for 2 days for being a smartass, that's my bb) and by the time we got home, it was thundering and lightning, so I decided to take a little nap and hope it blew over so I could go for my run. About 1 a.m. I woke up, checked my email again,(I should've stuck to posting with comments turned off *facepalm*) and that's all I remember. :P

I have to say, I'm not really liking this state of mind I'm in. Even the pics of Jensen and Danneel looking so stunning and happy only cheer me up while I have the window open, and even my running endorphins aren't helping.

But today's long run day, 1hr 55 minutes, probably slow, so I'm not expecting to hit 10 miles again, since I'm dragging my ass like whoa, but I'm hoping that does the trick. If it doesn't, I'm gonna mainline and see if crying and rocking doesn't do the trick. LOL.

So, do y'all do when you just can't get a grip and you're outstaying your welcome? Sleep until the crisis passes? Cry and scream and throw things? Crawl under a rock and die?

Oh, and despite having not run since Friday (scheduled off days combined with bad weather) my legs cramp up constantly. I haven't had leg cramps in all the months I've been running, but in the last four days, my calves cramp while I'm sleeping and my thighs cramp when I'm awake, and nothing seems to help. I swear, if I could cut them off, I would.

This also reminds me of story fodder that's been floating round in my head for eons. I saw somewhere how people cause explosions while fueling their cars by talking on their cellphones and walking around until they build up a static charge, and then accidentally igniting the gas fumes. I've always had that image in my head, started a few screenplays based on the premise, but now it's suddenly gone from 'some random dude blows up' to Dean Winchester blows up. I do not need SPN fic fodder, especially when I have no idea what happens after kablooey.

/end pointless post of whining and groveling.

ETA: I signed up for spn_summergen, and all I can do is read the other prompts and pray to God I don't get most of them, because I dont know how I'll ever write some of those stories. I don't even know if I can be bothered to write my own prompts at this point. Way to angst over stuff that hasn't even happened yet. *bangs head*
ht_murray: little girl, cheeks, blue rose (Default)
How I Know that I Just Don’t Know...

Most of you know I didn’t like Swan Song. The few of you who’ve tried to engage me in discussion about it have pretty much given up trying to convince me it wasn’t as bad as I seem to think it was. And the hate spawn are parading around their quick-witted phrases about how people like me brought on our own disappointment by being led astray and following the red herrings, and blah, blah, blah, all in all not 'getting' it, which, BTW, is so not true. I get it. I get it perfectly. I just don't like it.

But apparently, I cannot be reasoned with.

Wherein I try to reason with myself instead and probably address a few too many points that have come up since the episode aired. )
ht_murray: little girl, cheeks, blue rose (Default)
If a Mexican friend offers you 'candy' that comes in a little clear cellophane wrapper with what looks like a giant rabbit turd inside, do not eat it. LOL. This ranks right up there with the time a lady gave me head cheese without telling me what it was.

Erm, I'm not sure what this candy is supposed to be. It said something like PicoGormans??? on it. I swear it tasted like ABC snuff.

So, that's your PSA for the day. Beware the Mexican candy. Although, anything that says dulce leche on it is usually pretty yummy. :P And if there's a pepper on the label, that's not just decoration. :S

Also: UGH, I could not be more depressed right now. Why can't I be happy? And I love how people think I'm unhappy because I had it all wrong, when the fact is, I had it all right, but just had faith it couldn't possibly be as bad as all that. Screw faith. That's the real PSA.
ht_murray: little girl, cheeks, blue rose (Default)
I don't write fic for ages, and when I do, everyone else does it and does it better. I dunno wtf I was thinking.

Any beta type peoples out there think they can make it better?
ht_murray: little girl, cheeks, blue rose (Default)
So, I'm sitting here angsting. I cannot make it stop. I know. I know, wait til it's actually over, and then angst about it. I know, which is why I haven't really discussed my misgivings with anyone.

And why this is making me a giant ball of angsty angst.

Plus,it's been hot the last few days, so unless I go straight from work to my running shoes, it's very hard to get in a good run. That's my pressure release valve, ya know?

But tonight I was sitting here clicking through my tabs for the twentieth time in an hour, and just decided to go for run. It was still 84 degrees, muggy, windy as heck, and almost dark out, but I threw on my new shoes and hit the door, no music, no miCoach, no HRM. Just me, a watch, and my little flashing light stick.

I don't even know how far I went. I'm guessing, knowing the route, that it was around 4 miles. It was dark by the time I finished one. I admit, I panicked a little every time a pair of headlights came toward me, but can I say, it was AMAZING!

I saw a firefly. A firefly! In Texas! Back in Wisconsin the entire marsh was lit up with them at sundown. Here, I've seen maybe five in the whole fourteen years I've been here. Plus, Texas? It kinda stinks. I'm not kidding, parts of it smell like used kitty litter. But tonight, I saw a firefly, and the air was thick with Chinaberry blossoms. The stock tanks were teeming with spring peepers, and I felt like I could run forever.

I used to have this dream. A running dream. I have only two recurring dreams that I can remember. The thirsty dream and the running dream. In the thirsty dream, I walk down a long hallway and stop at every single water fountain and drink and drink and drink but never stop being thirsty. That usually means I ate pizza before bed and need to get up and get a drink of water, already. And then, there's the running dream. I never know why I'm running or where I'm going, but I feel like I could just run and run and run and never get tired. That's what I felt like tonight. It was amazing.

And my new shoes are minimalist with almost no cushioning at all, since I'm working on the transition to barefoot (or at least running moccasins) and I was a total skeptic that I could run more than a mile without feeling like my legs were being pounded into hamburger. Never happened. I actually felt lighter with less impact than in my cushy running shoes. I could hardly see anything, so it was just my feet, and my breath, 3 in, 3 out, eyes straight ahead all wrapped in gray flannel. In the daytime, I'm constantly looking at the ground worried about every little dip and crack because I might trip or twist an ankle. Tonight, I couldn't see anything, and I never stumbled once, just let my feet find the ground. Hmm. I wish I could've just kept going.

All in all, just the most amazing run. I feel like I was going at a pretty good clip, too, but I don't know. LOL.

It was all great until I started thinking the road reminded me of the old intro to "Tales from the Darkside." That intro always gave me cold chills.

And now I'm back to biting my nails again. Sigh.
ht_murray: little girl, cheeks, blue rose (Default)
I suppose it's already been mentioned, but I've been... distracted. I just had flashbacks to Devil's Trap, and it made me think this might happen. Spoilery if you haven't seen the promo that aired after last week's episode. Otherwise, nothing but speculation, )


May. 10th, 2010 12:51 pm
ht_murray: little girl, cheeks, blue rose (Default)
So, did anything of import happen at this weekend's con? I'm hardly seeing it mentioned at all. Anyone have highlights to share?
ht_murray: little girl, cheeks, blue rose (Default)
Man,I cannot shake this crap feeling I've had since... about Thursday or so. I don't know where it's coming from. The only thing that seems to work is to run about ten miles and collapse in a heap where I don't care about anything.

I really hope it's just end of show anxiety, because my hands are freaking shaking right so I can hardly type right now. It's ridonkulous.

Doesn't help that AHBL is on right now, way to frost the angst cake with heart squeezings. LOL.
ht_murray: little girl, cheeks, blue rose (Default)
Heading out for my long run day. How long, you ask? I don't even know. LOL. *consults the archangel miCoach* Um, looks like 1hour and 45 minutes. Hopefully, that will work out to around ten miles, but I'm feeling kinda wiped, so we'll see.

But whatevs, I got my pink crush running skirt on, so I'll look cute no matter what. LOL.

I think I'm caught up on comment replies for the last two posts at least, so I feel safe making another post,at this point. I'm in a mood for confessions.

First confession, I posted that meta on m/m fiction on my Facebook where all my family can read it, and so far, no one's disowned me, but I highly doubt my auntie will be asking me to send her stories ever again. LOL.

Second confession, I totally forgot there was a con going on this weekend. :S I'm so out of touch.

Third confession, I'm really amused and thankful for all the milk and cookies on my profile page, especially the part where almost everyone who sent them felt like they had to say something about there not being any calories. LOL. So, Heather, Jo, Keren, [ profile] mini_moue and [ profile] jane_eyre thank you for looking after my assets. LOL.

Fourth confession, I don't comment there, but I lurk on the anonmeme all the time. I like it there. There are at least one or two people there who could be me. Some of the best show discussion in the fandom either happens there or is linked from there. The fact that I never get mentioned hurts my feelings. LOL. If you or your friends have been bashed there, I'm sorry, but that's not all that happens there. I like it, because you can discuss show without worrying about hurting anyone on your flist's feelings. And when someone's talking out of their ass, people are quick to point it out. You don't have to like the idea of it or go there, but I think a lot of people are biased against it based on third or fourth hand information, and that's really unfortunate. Like I said, though, I'm brave enough to lurk there, but I don't comment, which makes me kind of a pansy. Whatever.

Fifth confession, I am not happy with show right now.

Sixth confession, I know how it ends! BWahahahahahaha! If you wanna know, look behind here. Spoilers only if you haven't seen every other episode up to now. )

And it's a good thing I'm not Catholic, because I think I just abused my confessional privileges by feeding you that line of B.S. I'm so going to Hell.

Seventh confession, I appear to be loopy on caffeine or something.
ht_murray: little girl, cheeks, blue rose (Default)
I've heard On The Road by Jack Kerouac mentioed many times as the origin of Sam and Dean (or Sal and Dean, in the book.) So, I went ahead and got the unabridged version on audiobook. I've been listening to it for a few days now. Wasn't it generally interpreted that Sal was in love with Dean? I know I read some references to that somewhere? Anyway, I can totally get that.

Does anyone know if anyone's written a Sam and Dean as Sal and Dean wincest adaptation? Because I could totally go for that.

Maybe as a summer project. LOL. Like I need a summer project. :/
ht_murray: little girl, cheeks, blue rose (Default)
Dudes, I suck so hard. I just realized it's nearly two weeks now since my race, and I haven't replied to all your lovely supportive comments about it nor to the thoughtful comments on my m/m fiction meta, and if I'm really honest, I don't know when I'm going to get around to that. I also haven't watched last week's SPN nor this week's Glee.

I don't know if y'all have noticed that I'm stupidly busy these days, and work has been exhausting with the futility of it. I know some people hate when people post and then don't reply to comments until well after the conversation is over. I hate that, too! But here's how it is. I usually write these posts in my head while I'm, a)running, b)cooking, c)doing house or yard work, d) at work. And then I jot them down and post them. My first years on LJ I was so much better at being a good LJ friend, and I just now realize it's because I was in such a terrible place in my RL that I spent all my time on LJ. Now that I'm not wallowing in depression and self-loathing, I'm actually doing all the real life stuff that I kept pushing aside before. I really hate that that means less time to reply to y'all, because you have been there in the bad times and you deserve to know I appreciate you still now that things are better.

So, consider this an apology but realize also that I just don't know where the time to reply is going to come from.

Also, some of you have been so sweet in sending me the v-gifts. So, [ profile] heather03nmg, [ profile] sams1ra, [ profile] vanae and, [ profile] jane_eyre I have not forgotten you or chosen to ignore you. Nor [ profile] chocca2 either. (oops) I actually have been pouncing on those LJ news posts hoping that I could see the free v-gifts first and send them to you all before you had the chance to send them to me. LOL. But the last one... with Frank and the recycling bin??? Erm, no. I'm holding out for kittens or something. But thank you for thinking of me. My profile page loves the shiny, but not as much as I lurve you guys.

Not much to report other than running my ass off, hard at work editing Nightblindness, and rewriting something to submit as a Sip. I had some awesome Michael/Dean inspirations I was planning to write given my recent fallout with Dean/Castiel which doesn't look like it's going to get fixed, but there just isn't time. And I know that I need to update Digging Deep and Under the Rug. Not making any promises about when that will be, but no, they're not abandoned. If you have suggestions about either one of those stories, I'd love to hear them, because while I know the overall arc of the stories, I don't actually know what happens NEXT, which is the big stumbling block. I tend to just let stories simmer until the perfect scene presents itself, and that isn't happening. Sigh.

Finally, thanks to [ profile] pd_singer who pointed out that Go Fish is apparently on a couple of bestseller lists at Fictionwise. I never would've known. Haha, I'm so out of the loop. *bangs head* Good friends... I have them.

*smooshes vicariously through LJ interface*
ht_murray: little girl, cheeks, blue rose (Default)
Salvation is on TNT right now. And John's whole speech after Meg calls and demands he turns himself over is so Dean in Season 5.

"If I don't a lot of people will die." D'aww. Plus how he wants Sam to go to school and Dean to have a home and thinks he can give them that by leaving. *sigh*

*Smooshes Dean* Still Daddy's good little soldier after all that.


ht_murray: little girl, cheeks, blue rose (Default)

June 2015


Custom Text

Most Popular Tags


RSS Atom

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Oct. 21st, 2017 02:06 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios