ht_murray: little girl, cheeks, blue rose (Default)
[personal profile] ht_murray
Today is exactly one month since my mom passed away.

One month and one day ago, I was only thinking as far ahead as August. I was training for a half marathon in Madison, Wisconsin, planning to spend a week or so up there visiting with family, run the race, and coming back to Texas. A month and a day ago, I kinda figured Texas was home and was gonna stay that way.

But in the last month, everything changed. I'm not running the half in August anymore, which is good, because my training went totally to pot for about a week and a half. I'm just now getting back in the groove, but I am planning to run that race next year, along with my cousins and my aunt. We've even talked about doing Chicago next year as a family thing. And I've considered doing the Disney marathon in a year or so, and bringing my sister and her family along, because I'd love to be there the first time the kids see Disney World. Over the last month, not much has changed here, except everything has changed. This isn't home anymore, and after some good long talks with hubby, he finally agrees there's nothing down here for either of us that's as important as everything we have up there.

So, it's officially unofficial (won't be official until I actually quit my job next spring) that we're planning to move in the spring. As much as I'd like to just pick up and do it now, we're going to need a good while to get everything arranged. You don't just pick three horses up and move them across the country without a lot of hassle. And no way we're moving in the fall with a Wisconsin winter bearing down on us. So, spring it is.

And to drive the point home, the point of no return I guess, yesterday we bought a truck. We already have a truck, but not one I'd feel safe driving across the country in. So, now we have a new/used 2005 Dodge Ram 1500 sitting in our driveway, all shiny and new-looking. And it's paid for. You should've seen hubby's hand when he was writing the check. LOL. It's not the first indulgence I've allowed myself in the last month either. I also bought myself a new Viewsonic gTab, which isn't supposed to be all that great out of the box, but which, I'm told blows iPad2 out of the water once you root it and install a new ROM. For the price, I guess I can take a chance on bricking it, in which case I'll probably buy the Toshiba Thrive. Because hey, you can't take it with you. Well, in our case, you can, as long as it'll fit in the back of a Dodge pickup.

Big things coming down the pipe, and I suddenly don't feel like I'm treading water anymore. I wonder if I'm supposed to be sadder, shedding more tears, kicking myself over missed opportunities. I dunno. But I'm not doing any of those things. What I am doing is looking forward to something. That's more than I could've said 30 days ago. And it's all good, I think.

One thing I should've said 30 days ago that I didn't say nearly enough. I love you, Mom, and thank you for everything.

Tracy

Date: 2011-06-28 08:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] saberivojo.livejournal.com
I'm so sorry to hear of your mom. I wasn't aware.

I think your move could be a good thing but you are smart not to run off half cocked. Thinking it through, getting your affairs in order and scoping things out seems like a good idea. You are moving east? Where are you thinking of going to?

There's lots of horsyness in the east (of course there is lots of horsyness everywhere.)

Good wishes on your spring move!

Date: 2011-06-28 08:38 pm (UTC)
ext_16597: (Default)
From: [identity profile] ysbail.livejournal.com
It sounds like exciting times are ahead. A big move, I think, is always exciting. It brings with it a new outlook, new opportunities. It breaks the rut you may have found yourself in. I've done it twice, will probably do it again, and I have to say that even with the stress moving always inspires, I'd heartily recommend it.

I know that your mom's passing was a shock, and you've been in my thoughts often. X

Date: 2011-06-28 09:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tabularassa.livejournal.com
*hugs tight*

I wish you the best with everything! ♥

Date: 2011-06-28 11:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] morning-sunlite.livejournal.com
Sending you love and best wishes. With time to plan, I'm sure the move will be a great thing.

I'm sorry for your loss. xx

Date: 2011-06-29 12:28 am (UTC)
fufaraw: (Padden Lake)
From: [personal profile] fufaraw
I don't remember if I said, but I'm sorry to hear about your mom.

H and I had a ton of history and baggage in NC, and we stayed much longer than we ever should have, taking care of my mom. When that was no longer a necessity, we did something we had talked about but never really believed we'd be able to do--we moved to PNW.

I miss my friends and my kid and my grandkids, but other than that, there's nothing I regret leaving behind. Being here has left behind so much crap we didn't need but couldn't shed--it just didn't make the trip. The move was the best thing we ever did, for each other, and for ourselves.

May your move be the same for you, or even better.

Date: 2011-06-29 12:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tuckercat2.livejournal.com
Good for you! I understand not feeling at home where I live. We moved to Texas about 25 years ago. It sorta feels like home, but not, and where we moved from doesn't feel like home either.... sigh. I just wanted a house where we moved in when married, had kids, raised them and retired there. Real life is not even close to that.

I am glad you are doing what your heart leads you to, good for you!!!! (cheering you on from the sidelines!!!)

Date: 2011-06-29 03:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sams1ra.livejournal.com
*big giant hug*

Date: 2011-06-29 11:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stjra.livejournal.com
I'm sure your Mum would be proud that she is the motivator for getting you out of the holding pattern you've felt you've been in and helping you make those big decisions.

Good on you hon. Some times we need horrible things to get us really thinking about what is most important to us in the end. I'm glad that you've been able to work that out and that you are working towards it. Everything is so much easier when there is a goal in front of you.

*squishes you tight*

Date: 2011-06-29 05:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kjfri.livejournal.com
Just now catching up, and wanted to send my sympathies for the loss of your mom. So sorry.

But it sounds like a door is opening for you - I wish you all the best wherever this new path leads you!!

Date: 2011-06-30 12:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] captcrashsc.livejournal.com
I'm sorry to hear about your Mom, dear. *hugs*

It sounds as if the tide is turning and stuff in the future might finally be looking up for you. Crossing my fingers for you and sending you all the best love and luck I can.

♥ you bb!

Date: 2011-07-03 01:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gatorgrrrl.livejournal.com
I love this post, mostly because it shows you being strong and positive. Big moves are life-changers and I'm glad you've decided that you need to do what's best for you. Take that chance now because you don't want something else to regret later. (Forgive me if I sound a little sappy; I've been in a mood lately.)

Anyway, I'm glad to hear you're doing okay. And don't worry about not being sad enough; there isn't a certain sadness quota that needs to be filled before we can say we've properly grieved.

Best of luck to you, Tracy.

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